Lockout (2012)

Directors: James Mather & Stephen St. Leger

Starring: Guy Pearce, Maggie Grace, Vincent Regan, Joseph Gilgun, Lennie James, Peter Starmare, Jacky Ido, Tim Plester

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Take no prisoners.

Plot: A man wrongly convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage against the U.S. is offered his freedom if he can rescue the president's daughter from an outer space prison taken over by violent inmates.

My rating: 7.5/10

Will I watch it again? Yeah!

I'm a huge fan of Guy Pearce so regardless of how bad the reviews are, I'll see his movies. This didn't last 10 minutes in the theaters in my area and I so I missed it. I barely knew it was out before it was gone. I've finally had a chance to see it and I'm sad I didn't see it in the theater. I really enjoyed it and it's largely due to Pearce's wise-cracking badass character, Snow. He's terrific. Maggie Grace surprised the hell out of me. Usually a character like hers is poorly written and equally acted but I really dug her performance. I Loved the trailer but it felt like it was a space remake of ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK (1981) which was kind of a turn off. In some ways it is like the John Carpenter film (I could easily see a 1981-era Kurt Russell in this role, too) but it's also having lots of fun and throwing in a back story for why the President's daughter is at the space prison to begin with. The ending is stupid silly like something out of a Michael Bay movie but you should have already surrendered your suspension of disbelief to go along for the ride regardless of where it takes you. My friends and I had a great time with this one. Don't let the 37% Rotten Tomato score steer you away.

Green Ice (1981)

Director: Ernest Day

Starring: Ryan O'Neal, Anne Archer, Omar Sharif, Domingo Ambriz, John Larroquette, Philip Stone, Michael Sheard, Enrique Lucero

More info: IMDb

Tagline: He wanted adventure...She craved revenge...Emeralds held the answer.

Plot: A jolly romantic comedy set against a background of torture, murder and rebel guerrillas being fed to the hogs in the prisons of Colombia. O'Neal and Archer play a couple of Americans meeting cute in Mexico, then heading for Colombia, where she takes over from a sister shot while working for the rebel cause, and he (at first with itchy fingers for the loot) helps her replenish the rebel coffers through a daring heist of emeralds from a government stronghold right out of a James Bond movie (with Sharif a villain to match).

My rating: 5/10

Will I watch it again? Nn, no, no.

This is nothing more than a slightly south of professional, middle of the road caper picture with a cheesy score (and songs), a meandering and implausible script and an annoying performance from O'Neal. The Colombian scenery, however, is gorgeous. It's ROMANCING THE STONE (1984)-light. It's as if Robert Zemeckis (the director of RtS) saw this and called 'bullshit' and made his own Colombian gemstone adventure and did it a gazillion times better. I'm not going to pull a comparison card on this movie but it's hard not to think of the better film when watching this. O'Neal's performance is forced and too light hearted. He's playing the type of character he did so often back then and it doesn't work so well in this flick. There's a scene early in the picture where he drives up to a man working on his airplane and instantly knows what the problem is...from 30 feet away, knowing nothing about why the guy's tinkering with it to begin with! He suggested replacing the electronic something or another and he's so fucking smug about it. It's retarded bullshit like that that sinks this picture. Anne Archer fares better and John Larroquette is hilarious (and turns in the most enjoyable performance in the movie) but that's not enough to save this thing. Go watch ROMANCING THE STONE a few dozen times instead.

The Expendables 2 (2012)

Director: Simon West

Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Chuck Norris, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Terry Crews, Randy Couture, Liam Hemsworth, Scott Adkins, Nan Yu

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Back for War.

Plot: Barney (Stallone) and his team are thwarted on there mission by Vilain (Vann Damme) a terrorist who has his own evil plan on world domination. Will Barney and his team stop him before it's too late?



My rating: 7.5/10

Will I watch it again? Yes, and it's good enough for me to give the first film another shot someday.

The first EXPENDABLES (2010) movie didn't impress me as much as it should have but I still had a good time. On this trip we get more Dolph (good thing), very little Randy (bad thing - but he's great with what little they give him), more Arnold (sometimes a good thing), more Bruce (a better thing than the first one) and more group action and less Sly & Jason time (VERY good thing). One of the problems I had with the first film is there was too much time with Sly & Jason away from the group. I liked those two together but I wanted to see more of the Expendables. The sequel is ALL Expendables.


The Arnold bits are mostly fun and Chuck gets a couple of fun moments. The biggest issue I have with this flick is that there are a shit-ton of one-liners. Only half of them work and a lot of them feel shoehorned in JUST so we could get a laugh out of a reference to one of these guys's previous movies. Arnold suffers the most from the latter. His line deliveries are hit and miss and when he hits, it's golden, but when he misses is groanin'. I like this film. It's a great summer blockbuster escapist night at the movies. You know what you're in for before you're butt's in the seat so go and have a good time. I'm looking forward to seeing Ex3 in a couple of years. The only question now is, who's going to join the cast? Seagal? Kurt Russell? Mel? Harrison Ford won't do it for sure. Then there's Jackie Chan and Wesley Snipes. This list is getting tougher and not in a good way. Oh, and for anyone who is disappointed (like I was before I saw it) that this is rated PG-13 (the first one was R), don't worry. There are several moments where they push the limits of the rating system. There is enough blood and carnage to satisfy although you'll be hungry to see the eventual unrated Blu-ray.

Exorcismo (1975)

Director: Juan Bosch

Starring: Paul Naschy, Maria Perschy, Maria Kosty, Mercedes Molina, Jordi Torras, Luis Induni

More info: IMDb

Tagline: A theme that has thrilled audiences all over the world - now terrifyingly set forth.

Plot: A young woman unknowingly participates in a satanic ceremony which causes her to be possessed by the spirit of her dead father. She promptly begins exhibiting the standard symptoms - curses, vomiting, and even twisting the heads of a few people 180 degrees. Naschy plays the village priest summoned to perform the rites of exorcism, and must fend off the possessed's lewd advances before casting the evil spirit out of her body.

My rating: 4/10

Will I watch it again? No.

Whenever something as popular and profitable as THE EXORCIST (1973) comes along you can bet that there will be a lot of folks cashing in on its success. THE EXORCIST had a large share of imitators, most of them dreadfully boring. EXORCISMO is no exception. It's better than some rip-offs I've seen but that's not saying much. Paul Naschy is bland. He's got a cult following but i don't get it. I can't recall seeing him in anything where he exhibited any charisma. For the most part the film suffers from drag. It's slow and uninteresting. The only really aspect I enjoyed was Alberto Arguo's score. His oft-used theme never got old. I'm finding that JAWS (1975) rip-offs are a lot more fun than THE EXORCIST ones.

Eddie Izzard: Definite Article (1996)

Director: Ed Bye

Starring: Eddie Izzard

More info: IMDb

Plot: Charismatic, cross dressing comedian Eddie Izzard appeared live at the Shaftebury Theater in his native England in 1996; his irreverent humor is present in full force during this recorded performance. The routine touches upon the varying topics of fashion, James Bond, Noah, and doggy-style sex, all in his characteristically diassociated delivery.

My rating: 6/10

Will I watch it again? Nope.

I've tried to get into Izzard's stand-up but I just can't and I've seen A LOT of his work. I like his acting and his persona but I don't find 98% of his jokes/bits funny. This concert is 12 minutes shy of two hours and I laughed out loud once (the James Bond routine was pretty damn funny) and smiled a couple of times. That's not much for such a long show. Hell, I even watched the near-hour featurette on the DVD that goes into his world tour. He actually did his show in French while performing in France. I'm impressed. It's ballsy, I'll give him that. I really want to be among the legions of fans of his stand-up but I can't let myself be counted among them based on this performance.

The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996)

Director: Renny Harlin

Starring: Geena Davis, Samuel L. Jackson, Yvonne Zima, Craig Bierko, Tom Amandes, Brian Cox, G.D. Spradlin

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Eight years ago she lost her memory. Now, a detective must help her remember the past before it buries them both. What's forgotten is not always gone.

Plot: Samantha Caine, suburban homemaker, is the ideal mom to her 8 year old daughter Caitlin. She lives in Honesdale, PA, has a job teaching school and makes the best Rice Krispie treats in town. But when she receives a bump on her head, she begins to remember small parts of her previous life as a lethal, top-secret agent. Her old chums in the Chapter are now out to kill her so she enlists the help of a cheap detective named Mitch. As Samantha remembers more and more of her previous life, she becomes deadlier and more resourceful.

My rating: 6.5/10

Will I watch it again? Nah.

After hearing time and time again from just about everyone how great this movie was I figured it was time got around to watching. I'm not the biggest fan of Renny Harlin. CUTTHROAT ISLAND (1995) killed it for me (also starring Gena Davis). What a stinker. It was seriously that movie that kept me from watching anything else he did. This one wasn't so bad. I liked Davis's transition from innocent to killer. I was impressed. She was great and Sammy Jackson was great, too (as always...almost - I can't shake his suckiness in the Star Wars prequels). I was riding along with the picture nicely until the last 20 minutes where it got more and more ridiculous - that stupid Hollywood over-the-top action ridiculous. They were doing so well and then it gets nutty. Overall, though, it's not that bad but not as good as it could have and should have been.

Maverick (1994)

Director: Richard Donner

Starring: Mel Gibson, Jodie Foster, James Garner, Graham Greene, Alfred Molina, James Coburn, Dub Taylor, Geoffrey Lewis, Paul L. Smith, Dan Hedaya, Dennis Fimple, Denver Pyle

More info: IMDb

Tagline: The greatest gambler in the West has finally met his match.

Plot: A gunslinging con man develops a tricky scheme to make a killing at a major poker tournament in this comic Western inspired by the popular television show. Mel Gibson assumes the role of Bret Maverick, the handsome rogue who hopes to cheat his way to success. In need of a large stake to enter a major card competition on a Louisiana steamboat, Maverick decides to take advantage of a few small-town poker players. These include the seemingly sweet Annabelle Bransford (Foster) and the intimidating Angel (Molina), neither of whom is too happy about their loss. Things become even more complicated for Maverick when the law gets involved, with Marshal Zane Cooper (Garner, who played the role of Maverick in the original television series) giving chase. A series of stagecoach chases, complicated cons, and gun battles ensues, with Annabelle and Maverick finding time for plenty of flirtation along the way.

My rating: 8/10

Will I watch it again? You betcha!

It's been a lot of years since I saw this and boy, oh boy, is it fun. I can't recall seeing a Western this fun in the theater since. There have been some good ones but not grin-inducing as this picture. Gibson's at his lovable prime. He's so genuinely likable that I didn't like Jodi Foster's character because she kept fucking him over. Watching Maverick get out of every single scrape (and still take a good licking) is tremendously fun. The supporting cast and cameos is a who's who of classic b-movie and Western actors as well as a lot of country & western music stars of the day. I love pictures like this where I find myself constantly looking for some old familiar faces in the background. Outside of the leads, Graham Greene steals the movie in my book. He's hilarious and should have been nominated for an Oscar for a supporting role. I was almost in tears with laughter and he does so effortlessly well. This has got me in the mood to slap on one of my all-time favorites, THREE AMIGOS (1986). What a hoot!