Suckers (2001)

Director: Roger Nygard

Starring: Daniel Benzali, Louis Mandylor, Lori Loughlin, Joe Yanetty, Jake Johannsen, Eli Danker, BT

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Whatever You Do, Don't Buy Your Next Car Without Seeing This Movie!

Plot: In this eye-opening comedy, nice guy Bobby Deluca (Mandylor) -- who's in hock to loan sharks for a tidy sum and needs to earn some quick cash -- reluctantly takes a job at a car dealership run by a surly megalomaniac (Benzali). But little does Bobby know that his chrome-domed new boss is using the vehicles on the lot to smuggle contraband.

My rating: 7.5/10

Will I watch it again? YES!!! "Don't FUCK with me when I'm thirsty!"

Two things initially sold me on watching this flick, seeing Daniel Benzali's mug on the cover (I knew I liked this guy but couldn't recall anything I'd seen him in) and the subject matter. As someone who's been in sales for a number of years, I've always been fascinated, yet repulsed, by car salesmen and their techniques, much like how casinos are designed to take your money. Then I find out that Jake Johannsen and Tim Thomerson are in it, albeit small parts. I had no idea this would be as much fun and biting as it was. Very nice! Don't go strictly by the sub-par trailer, it doesn't do the film justice at all.


How did those slip in? Don't question such things, just accept them.

Most of the movie takes place at a car dealerships, seeing how the salesmen lie to their customers at every turn. I was pleasantly surprised that they didn't do this just in the beginning but were able to keep it interesting until the finish. The subplot about drug smuggling was a bit much (especially the resolution at the climax of the film) but it wasn't that distracting. I would have preferred it left out altogether in lieu of something less Hollywood-y.


The performances are very solid from the entire cast. I'd be hard-pressed to pick the weakest link but the standouts are Benzali as the ruthless, yet charismatic and funny, general manager, Reggie, in charge of the dealership and Eli Danker as one of the top salesmen, Mohammed. He was fantastic. There's a scene where he tells another salesman about his sister that about squeezed a few drops out of my eyes. And then again when he shows up unexpectedly at the end. Wow! Great job, this guy. I've only seen one of his pictures and that was nearly 25 years ago, WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE (1986). That reminds me, I need to watch that one again. I digs me some Rutger Hauer.


I started listening to the commentary with the actors and I enjoyed what little I took in (i.e. I laughed my ass off). Time keeps me from the rest of it but I'll definitely throw it back on at some point. If this sounds remotely interesting or if you've ever bought a car (or are going to), you need to see this. It's a great flick that's sure to make you feel like walking into a car dealership and punch the first person you see right in the throat.

College Girls Confidential (1968)

Director: Stephen C. Apostolof

Starring: Forman Shane, Capri, Marsha Jordan, Sean O'Hara, Gee Gentell, Linda Stiles, Ron Negri

More info: IMDb

Tagline: What Is College Life... But... Kicks!

Plot: See what life is REALLY like on a college campus filled with sex and drugs.

My rating: 5.5/10

Will I watch it again? No.

#24 on 42nd Street Forever Vol. 2: The Deuce (part of the TRAILER TRASH PROJECT)

Gee I miss college...



That's about all this movie is about. It's an hour of gratuitous nudity, all gearing up to a fraternity's (LSD fraternity) LSD (the drug) party which includes a swingin' professor and his closeted lesbian wife. There's far too much padding when it comes to the nude scenes. They just go on and on. You know what I'm talking about, where the guy and girl both have underpants on and they just roll back and forth on the bed kissing and doing nothing else for 8 minutes. Yeah, it's that boring. The only upside to is the girls are very lovely to watch and it's in black and white with a way-out, groovy jazz score.


If that weren't enough, the last 5 minutes has the frat president freak out on LSD after he tries to rape this chick and he leaps off the second floor inside balcony yelling he can fly. Cut to the hospital where he gets a life lecture from the doctor and the kid realizes that college is for thinking clearly and he should straighten up and fly right if he wants to lead a responsible life. Gee, that's enough to keep me away from acid. Whatever.

Black Candles (1982)

Director: Jose Ramon Larraz

Starring: Helga Line, Vanessa Hidalgo, Jeffrey Healey, Christopher Bright, John McGrat, Betty Webster, Lucille Jameson

More info: IMDb

Plot: A young woman travels with her partner to England on the unexpected death of her brother. Staying with her sister-in-law, she finds her companion soon drawn into a satanic cult based in the house whose rites seem to centre somewhat on large-scale sexual congress.

My rating: 5.5/10

Will I watch it again? Noop.

#10 on the Black History Month Project 2012

Say, Kids, do you like your Satanist movies loaded with nudity? Yeah? Me, too! That doesn't mean I'm going to dig the movie. This one's from Spain, it's nicely shot (for a low budget sleaze fest horror flick) and it's LOADED with nakedness.



It's also got it's share of beautiful women...



PSYCHO (1960) ripoff/homage shots...



Satanic rituals (which include fucking the broad on the altar)...



and goat fucking.



That's right, goat fucking.



If this movie taught me one thing it's that I need to form a Satanic cult. That's a sure fire cure for livening up a stale Saturday night. The picture's not as horrible (or as awesome) as you might think. I kind of dug it for what it was but it's got that slow, plodding pacing that keeps me from coming back. If you've seen Euro Horror flicks like this before then you'll know what I mean. It's a surprisingly late entry into the genre as most of the films of this type were hitting their stride 10 years earlier. It's still worth a look. It's on a double feature grindhouse DVD with trailers (sadly, none were of this movie). Still, it's worth a look for fans of Euro boobs and bush.

April 2012 Contest

OK, so I'm a month late getting started on this. Send me a dozen flowers and an angry email. Each month I'm giving away 3 DVDs (your choice from a list of 10 - all region 1). All you have to do is send me the correct answer and at the end of the month one name will be drawn from a hat of all entries that got it right. This month I'm putting my massive Photoshop skills to the test.

Name the two movies that are represented in the following image:



Should no one answer correctly, I will randomly pick from everyone who got one of the films right.

The contest is open to everyone worldwide. I will pay for the shipping but I'm not rolling in dough so if you live 9,400 miles away from Florida, USA, your DVDs will take the slow boat to China. Over the next few days I'll put together a list of DVDs for the winner to choose 3. The DVDs will be used but in great shape and I will keep the list free of anything starring Tom Cruise, Julia Roberts or sparkling vampires.

Send all contest entries to scorethefilm AT gmail DOTCOM and please put "April 2012 Contest" in the subject line so I know you're not trying to set me up with a mail-order bride or sell me super dick pills. The contest ends on the last day of this month.

Drop me a line if you've got any good ideas for future contests. I'm new at this contest thing and I'll try just about anything.

The Black Gestapo (1975)

Director: Lee Frost

Starring: Rod Perry, Charles Robinson, Phil Hoover, Edward Cross, Angela Brent, Wes Bishop, Lee Frost, Donna Young

More info: IMDb

Tagline: The New Master Race!

Plot: General Ahmed has started an inner-city People's Army to try and relieve the misery of the citizens of Watts. When the locals are put under increasing pressure by Mafia thugs, Ahmed's second-in-command Colonel Kojah asks for permission to start a protection squad to take more direct action. Ahmed fears this protection squad will just turn into a vigilante mob, and his prediction soon proves correct. Will Ahmed be able to wrest control back from the power-mad Kojah, or will he be the mob's next victim?

My rating: 6.5/10

Will I watch it again? Sure.

#9 on the Black History Month Project 2012

While it's not the outrageous home run the trailer leads you to believe, it is very watchable and fun enough to entertain you for 90 minutes. It's definitely a low budget picture but it delivers a lot of what you'd expect in a standard Blaxploitation flick from the era.

Say, is that Higgins from MAGNUM P.I.?

The bad guy's main henchman (forgot his name) is a real tough guy who likes to smack the local bed bitches...


Don't worry, he gets his (or loses his) real good. There's lots of violence, nudity and all-round badassicity to go around and I was rarely bored for too long. Some of the scenes linger a bit too long as you would expect in a low budget exploitation picture but it's not a deal killer. Fans of the genre are not going to want to miss this one.

The Black Alley Cats (1973)

Director: Henning Schellerup

Starring: Sunshine Woods, Sandy Dempsey, Charlene Miles, Johnnie Rhodes, Eve Crawford, Norman Fields

More info: IMDb

Tagline: So Cuddly By Day ... So Deadly By Night!!

Plot: Wanting revenge on a street gang for a rape attack, four young girls get together, take kung fu lessons, learn how to shoot, form a gang called the Black Alley Cats and search out the gang that attacked them.

My rating: 6/10

Will I watch it again? Not unless an uncut version surfaces.

#8 on the Black History Month Project 2012

I know I'll catch shit for saying it but there was too much standing around nudity and not enough sweet revenge action. This flick is loaded with T&A (with some flaccid cock for the ladies (and guys) who dig on some flaccid cock action) which is usually A-OK in my book but I was really gearing up for a full-on revenge picture.


I can't slam this flick too much as anything with the HUBBA HUBBA Uschi Digard in it is worth catching. If you're watching it for her, she does the usual naked bit but she's barely in it. There is some semblance of a story but it's mostly to get you to scenes where people lose their clothes and quick. That's all fine and dandy but that only goes so far and with all the padding in the skin scenes, it's not enough to hold my interest for a mere 79 minutes.

Black Mama, White Mama (1973)

Director: Eddie Romero

Starring: Pam Grier, Margaret Markov, Sid Haig, Lynn Borden, Zaldy Zshornack, Laurie Burton, Eddie Garcia

More info: IMDb

Tagline: Chicks in chains! Chicks in chains...On the lam from a prison hell-manacled together by hate and the strange ideas a woman gets after 1000 nights without a man

Plot: When two trouble making female prisoners (one a revolutionary, the other a former harem-girl) can't seem to get along, they are chained together and extradited for safekeeping. The women, still chained together, stumble, stab, and cat-fight their way across the wilderness, igniting a bloody shootout between gangsters and a group of revolutionaries.

My rating: 6.5/10

Will I watch it again? Nah, I think once was enough.

#7 on the Black History Month Project 2012
#8 on Drive-In Delirium Volume 1 (part of the TRAILER TRASH PROJECT)

Women In Prison (WIP) movies are a mixed bag at best. Most of them are horrible and when one stands out like this one, it can seem like a masterpiece in comparison to everything else the genre has provided. This one's definitely one of the better ones. You don't go five minutes into the picture without getting the pre-requisite shower scene (not a bad thing). There's a good deal of nudity and action along with a few laughs. The pacing isn't bad, either, which is usually the death knell of these films. And when it comes down to it, I can't decide what I enjoyed more...


Pam Grier's world class jungle drums or...



Sid Haig's wardrobe. Either way, I couldn't blink.