Donnie Brasco (1997)

Director: Mike Newell

Starring: Al Pacino & Johnny Depp

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: In 1978, the US government waged a war against organized crime. One man was left behind the lines.

Plot: An FBI undercover agent infilitrates the mob and finds himself identifying more with the mafia life to the expense of his regular one.

My Rating: 7/10

Would I watch it again? Yes, because...well, you'll see.

I remember seeing this one shortly after it's theatrical release. I liked it then. It's been sitting in my stack of nearly 200 movies (that I've watched in the past couple of years and haven't written about yet) for over a year. I've forgotten much about it...but I liked it then.

After having gone through all six seasons of THE SOPRANOS and a bunch of mob films in the past dozen years, it loses some of its appeal. You just can't compete with THE SOPRANOS since it spent something like 86 (almost) one hour episodes dealing with the goings-on in the mafia. Having said that, DB is still a much better-than-average mob film with some great performances. It de-glamorizes the underworld crime scene and makes it feel more like a bunch of regular guys but on the other side of the law. I'll certainly watch it again. I'm sure I'll like it then, too.

Law Abiding Citizen (2009)

Director: F Gary Gray

Starring: Jamie Foxx & Gerard Butler

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: The System Must Pay

Plot: A frustrated man decides to take justice into his own hands after a plea bargain sets one of his family's killers free. He targets not only the killer but also the district attorney and others involved in the deal.

My Rating: 5/10

Would I watch it again? Aw, HELL, No!

SPOILERS!

This is exactly what is wrong with Hollywood. Take a potentially interesting, if by-the-numbers-it-writes-itself, story, build it up from the beginning to be something worthwhile and then about halfway through, jump the shark and take it to what-the-fuck-are-they-doing territory and finish with an ending that's as typical and unbelievable as they come.

What I liked? Butler. I'm not used to seeing him looking like a regular guy. I dig this cat. Having said that, I would have liked his character to have stayed cool and calm to the end instead of ratcheting up his performance in the last half hour or so. THAT would have been more interesting. I liked the premise and the execution until it starts to become unhinged and unrealistic halfway through.

What I didn't like? Foxx. I've yet to see him in anything outside of comedy that didn't have that one-note performance feel to it. He's got that angst thing going on that feels like he's trying too hard as an actor and can't quite convey what he really wants. It seems like he's internally struggling to tell the audience that there's supposed to be multiple levels of emotion or thought happening on screen. He feels forced.

What else? The telegraphed set-ups of who's going to die next and the dumb as hell, there's-no-fucking-way-that-could-happen ending. It's wrong on so many levels. And it's so much more than wanting Butler to win and Foxx to lose. That's just not going to happen in a Hollywood movie - not one with two big stars like this. No. It's that you just know 30 minutes in that it's going to end with Foxx getting the upper hand, saying something witty or spitting back something Butler said early on that makes it ironic now that the tables have turned, and having Foxx learned a valuable lesson at the expense of lots of his friends' lives but not the lives of his wife or daughter (whom he as become increasingly distant as a result of his over-dedication to his job). It wraps up all nice and tidy and incredibly dumb. I was insulted.

Now, if the ending had something to do with Foxx losing his wife and child AND Butler snuffing it without the macho ha-ha-the-joke's-on-you-mother-fucker banter, I could forgive the previous hour. Hell, if Butler had succeeded and Foxx had failed that would have been a damn sight more interesting than the path they chose. I just can't abide by these paint-by-number thrillers. At least they didn't throw in some stupid love interest. That would have really made me berzerker.

Super Troopers (2001)

Director: Jay Chandrasekhar

Starring: Jay Chandrasekhar, a bunch of people I've never heard of, Brian Cox and LYNDA CARTER!!!

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: Altered State Police

Plot: Five Vermont state troopers, avid pranksters with a knack for screwing up, try to save their jobs and out-do the local police department by solving a crime.

My Rating: 6/10

Would I watch it again? Reefer would help.

While it's not the home run so many people had led me to believe for nearly 9 years, it is better than I would have thought. Some gags just didn't do it for me like the one that opens the film with the 3 twenty-something males thinking the state trooper behind them is going to pull them over so they get the guy in the backseat to eat a bag of weed and some mushrooms, getting rid of the evidence. Naturally the coppers speed past them after he does. That gag is as old as I am and what they added to it didn't make me laugh.

BUT, and this is a HUGE but, the cast is very likable and funny, especially Chandrasekhar. This guy's a scream. I very much dug the camaraderie they had. I could see watching this again but I really think I would need some of that weed or some mushrooms to help me through the slow bits. I get the feeling this might get funnier with multiple viewings. I'm just not sure how much I'm willing to test that theory. I must say, though, that it was fantastic seeing THE Brian Cox do comedy. It's really worth watching just for him...AND THE FUCKING UNBELIEVABLY AMAZING I-CAN'T-BELIEVE-SHE-LOOKS-THAT-INCREDIBLE LYNDA CARTER! WTF? Yeah, she plays the governor and she's just as smokin' hot as she was 25 years earlier when she was on the minds of every young boy as TVs WONDER WOMAN. That was a lovely surprise.

Despite some of the sluggishness, I really love the cast and how well they worked together and I'm actually looking forward to seeing more of their Broken Lizard films. Gee, I'm just torn between which one...BEERFEST, CLUB DREAD or THE SLAMMIN' SALMON?

The Six Million Dollar Man (1973)

Director:

Starring: Lee Majors, Barbara Anderson, Martin Balsam & Darren McGavin

More Info: IMDB

Plot: After an astronaut/test pilot is catastrophically mutilated in a test plane crash, he is rebuilt and equipped with nuclear powered bionic limbs and implants.

My Rating: 6/10

Would I watch it again? I suppose but it's just not necessary.


I was 4 when this aired. I don't remember seeing it (if I did in fact ever saw it) but I did see the weekly TV series this spawned the very next year. This is the first of three TV movies that were made before the series hit. I was a HUGE fan of the series as just about every kid in the USA was at that time. I had a shit ton of SMDM toys...




The back pack was badass as it has wires with roach clips that you attached to metal (I hooked mine up to the backyard chain link fence) and you could listen to AM radio. That was the fucking shit back in '75! I had the board game, the action sets, the works. I was a hardcore SMDM kid.


That was 35 years ago. So you can image how excited I was to re-visit an important part of my childhood. While it was nice, despite not recalling if I had even seen this TV movie, it didn't/couldn't live up to my expectations. You see, this is the first appearance of Steve Austin, the origin story of how he became the world's first cyborg.

Ahhh, the 70s, back when men like us were encouraged to show off our hairy chests!

There are little bits of action but it's more of a drama than what came later with the action adventures with the series. Lee Majors is a major badass. He's tough and very charismatic. You can't help but like him. He's one of those guys where every woman wants him and every man wants to be him (and there are some who want him, too, I suppose). His character, Steve Austin, spends a lot of time dealing with the psychological aspects of what he's going through - a NASA astronaut who's in an accident piloting a test vehicle loses both legs, his right arm and left eye. The government wants to use him as a guinea pig to replace his missing bits with high tech machinery. They make him better, stronger, faster. Now he's a super badass.



That's all fine and good but it's not quite what the series was and that's where my memories lie (kind of like how it wasn't until the 3rd Bond film, GOLDFINGER, that they discovered the formula that would last throughout the Bond series). Also not present is the kickass theme tune with the badass narration. There's also none of the "nanananananana" when Steve's in slo-mo mode using his super strength and no Oscar Goldman. Instead of the Goldman character we have Oliver Spencer, played despicably well by Darren McGavin. He's the cold, matter of fact govt. man that puts the program in motion that rebuilds Steve. Balsam is great to see as the down to Earth, sympathetic friend of Steve's who does the operation.


Steve fights the transition to bionic badass as well as struggles with the aftermath but by the end of the movie, after being betrayed by Spencer who put him in mortal danger just to see if he would pass the "test", accepts his assignment as the government's bionic bitch. I filled in the blanks of his seemingly speedy acceptance by figuring he actually enjoyed the danger and the uniqueness of his super human bits. Based on the Martin Caidin novel, CYBORG, I'm sure there's a bunch of stuff that was lost between the source material and the film that would explain this better. My nostalgia has just kicked in and forced me to purchase the novel on ebay for ten bucks and bid on some SMDM toys.


So even without the familiar theme, sound effects and tons of action, I still enjoyed it. It's interesting starting from the beginning and working my way into the series. There's still two more TV movies to watch before the series began so maybe one of those has the elements I remember. Now that the origin story has been told, that's more likely to happen.

The 50 Worst Movies Ever Made (2004)

Starring: Carlos Larkin (narrator)

More Info: IMDB

Plot: There are some movies that are so bad they're good. And there are some movies that are so bad- that they're just bad! Really bad! And there are people out there who love these horribly bad films, like us! Welcome to The Fifty Worst Films Of All Time. From armless kung-fu fighters, ear-eating midgets, and crawling hands to just about everything Ed Wood did. This is the finest collection of bad films ever compiled. The budgets are cheap, the acting is terrible, and the plots are nowhere to be seen. It's The Fifty Worst Films Of All Time!

My Rating: 6/10

Would I watch it again? Doubtful.

The problem when putting together any 'top' lists is that no one is going to agree 100% so, right off the bat, everyone's going to have a problem with this "documentary." There's lots of famous bad movies on here but there's just a small handful that anyone would really consider to be the worst of all time. Hell, some of these are fucking fantastic like THE CRIPPLED MASTERS (1982).

Larkin's narration is a bit slow, the puns are weak and obvious and I can really do without the denigration of movies that really aren't THAT bad. You're not going to learn anything unless you're newly delving into the world of B-movies. With clips cobbled from the film's trailers, you're better off just watching the full trailers themselves. If you must, however, you can start watching this on YouTube (above).

The Hot Box (1972)

Director: Joe Viola

Starring: The bare-chested Carmen Argenziano, Andrea Cagan, Margaret Markov, Rickey Richardson & Laurie Rose

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: Their guns are hot and their bodies are hard!

Plot: Four nurses and their boyfriends come ashore on a lovely beach somewhere in Central (or South) America where they are captured. The men are killed and the women are imprisoned to be used to train guerrilla soldiers in the ways of doctoring. The leader of the revolution tries to instill their plight against tyranny. The girls escape only to find themselves helping their captors.

My Rating: 3/10

Would I watch it again? Fuck NO

#26 on Dusk to Dawn Drive-In Trash-o-Rama Show Vol. 1 (part of the TRAILER TRASH PROJECT)

Talk about over-promising and under-delivering. It's called THE HOT BOX, aka HELL CATS. It sounds like a women in prison film but it's not (OK, they're imprisoned (just the four of them) for a few minutes). It sounds like a sleazy exploitation film. Hell, look at the goddamned poster! It SCREAMS all of the above but it's little more than a whimper of what is promised.


You get a shit ton of naked women, kills and explosions. No problem so far, right? Whatever. It's boring as hell and it barely held my interest. I'm not going to knock nudity (unless, of course, it's something like that all-nude episode of ROSANNE) but for fuck's sake, at least have something interesting or fun to tie it all together. Twenty minutes in I wanted it to end.


This is a dull and by-the-numbers political drama with boobs and explosions. What I found of interest (besides the gratuitous nudity) was that it was written by Jonathan Demme (future director of SILENCE OF THE LAMBS (1991)) and the big action scenes at the climax of the film were later used in another Corman-produced film, HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD (1976). It was one of the few re-used bits of other films that I couldn't place until now. I feel so complete. Geez.


Lame, lame, lame. Avoid. At a runtime of 85 minutes it's 140 minutes too long. Ugh! Just watch the trailer 30 times instead and fill in the blanks. Whatever you create in your mind will be better than this letdown.

Eye of the Devil (1966)

Director: J Lee Thompson

Starring: Deborah Kerr, David Niven, Donald Pleasence, Sharon Tate, David Hemmings

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: we've got your number!

Plot: Vineyard owner marquis Philippe de Montfaucon is called back to his castle Bellenac because of another dry season. He asks his wife and children to remain in London, but they still come after him. His wife Catherine de Montfaucon soon discovers that her husband is acting mysteriously and that his employees are following old pagan rituals that call for the life of the marquis himself to save the crops.

My Rating: 7.5/10

Would I watch it again? Yup!

Alternately titled, "13" (which explains the lame tagline), EYE OF THE DEVIL features a fantastic cast in an atmospheric and creepy tale of pagans, rituals, the black arts and human sacrifice. It sounds not unlike THE WICKER MAN (1973) (one of my top 10 favorite horror films).

Great opening title sequence! We see the names of the cast over the different sections of railroad tracks, moving quickly from the train's POV. Then BAM! The film's title appears over a speeding and blurry train filmed by a now-stationary camera. It's very unsettling and does a fine job of setting the mood for the film to come (as all main title sequences should).


I've always dug Niven in everything he's done. He always seemed to be a class act. In EotD he's pulled out a very subdued performance, almost trance-like; something I hadn't seen from him before. I quite liked seeing this side of his range. Contrast that with Kerr's worried, paranoid wife and you've got an edgy, unsettling balance.


The rest of the cast does a fine job as well. I think this is the first time I've seen a Sharon Tate film. WOW! What a hottie! One thing is certain. Sharon Tate needs to have my babies. Yeah, I know she was murdered by the Manson kids just months after my birth but still...



Euro-fave David Hemmings plays Tate's creepy brother and it's always great seeing Donald Pleasence do his own patented creepy thing.



There are a few tense moments throughout this film. One of my favorites was when Odile (Tate) is playing with Kerr & Niven's children on the roof of the mansion while Kerr is away. The children are enjoying balancing on the edge of danger. Naturally, when mom shows up she freaks the fuck out.




There's lots of this type of thing going on. The premise of having a mother on the brink of sanity trying to protect her family from these pagan/supernatural/satanic elements might not seem so strange now (think THE OMEN (1976) and ROSEMARY'S BABY (1968)), as we've seen this type of thing many times before, but in the mid-60s I'm sure it was quite effective. For me, it still is.




The B&W photography is well handled with some truly great shots. Gary McFarland's score works well to contribute to the atmosphere. I'm a HUGE soundtrack collector and I've never heard of this guy. While watching the film I kind of felt like I had been missing something all these years by not knowing who he was and what he did. Now that I see his credits I don't feel so bad. This is just one of two films he scored so there's a reason why I wouldn't have known of him. I can move on with my life now.


As I mentioned, this film reminded me a great deal of THE WICKER MAN in more ways than one. In fact it's almost a marriage of THE WICKER MAN, ROSEMARY'S BABY and THE OMEN in the way it plays out. The ending is out-fucking-standing! If you think this has the same climax as TWM's, you're only partly right. Having said that, I haven't spoiled a thing.


EotD isn't the home run I would have liked. The pacing is at times slow. I partially like it that way but it did need a little something to punch it up just a tad more. Regardless, it's still a very good film, one that I had never heard but I'm now glad I came across this atmospheric horror gem.