Hot Summer in Barefoot County (1974)

Director: Will Zens

Starring: Nobodys. A bunch of fucking horrible no-talent nobody "actors". (If you were actually in the movie and you're reading this, this doesn't apply to you. You were wonderful. Fantastic. You're the only reason I watched this white mold-encrusted turd.

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: There's only two rules in Barefoot County--Love thy neighbor and do unto others!




Plot: A city cop is sent out to the country to go undercover and bust up a ring of moonshiners run by a woman and her three hot teenage daughters.

My Rating: 2.5/10

Would I watch this again? How dare you ask me that!



There's only one rule in watching BAREFOOT COUNTY--Kill me now! I couldn't find a trailer for it online. You're better for it. Trust me.

What's worse than a bad action movie? A bad comedy. What's worse than a bad comedy? A bad drama. What's worse than a bad drama? HOT SUMMER IN BAREFOOT COUNTY. Boy, is this bad. I'd like to think that I can find something good in anything. Seriously, the ONLY thing good about this, uh, movie is the poster and that's no lie, brother.

My face actually contorted to this very expression by the end of the film! It's like someone farted and I knew it wasn't me but felt totally guilty anyway and accepted the blame.

This is 90 minutes of "when's it gonna get good?". It doesn't. And then you start to cry.


The acting is atrocious. I'm a stickler for a decent Southern accent and these people are horrible. It's about as offensive as Madonna's 98-year-old penis arms.


The sheriff and his deputy have GOT to be the dumbest Southern cops in movie history. You thought Enis from THE DUKES OF HAZZARD was stupid? He's a fucking Rhodes Scholar compared to these two. The picture opens with a high speed chase and the sheriff, a VERY poor man's Bud Spencer, looks like he's afraid to drive!


The music is bad, stereotypical country (and not even the so-bad-it's-good) music. And if all of this shittinest isn't enough, there's plenty of cartoon-y sound effects for all kinds of special moments like when the deputy falls down and we get the slide-whistle/timpani boink. Does it even matter any more that this is an early Troma picture? After this and MOTHER'S DAY (1980), I'm not going to go out of my way to see another.

Here's our studly hero...

and his sexy prey...

The two lovebirds start making out by the lake and the kissing starts. She's digging it and she's giving as much as she's taking but as soon as his hand moves from her neck to the top of her breast she shoves him away. "Why, Jeff, I thought you weren't like those other boys. I thought you were different." Why, Jeff, you fucking pig. How dare you! You should know that when a girl is making out with you (and don't forget that you both love each other), all hot and heavy like by the lake, you can't expect to move your hand down four inches to her breast and expect to get away with it! I mean, WTF man?




Say, that reminds me. Your probably sayin', "Hey, Scorethefilm! Sure it's a shitty-ass movie but there's lots of nudity, right?" Fuck no. There's barely any if you can even call it that. A Russ Meyer film this ain't! Don't waste your time. And this bullshit is rated "R"! "R" for Ripoff, that is.

There's your nudity, boys. Move along 'cause there's nothin' to see here.

As you can see, it ends happily ever after for everyone except the viewer. Please avoid this. I imagine it's on par with watching every...single...episode of THE DUKES OF HAZZARD to find out which episode was the worst and then having to write your doctoral thesis on how it's possible that something so shitty could ever get made.

I've got access to some cool looking cars, big-ass moonshine jugs, GREAT Southern locales and I know plenty of people who can do the Southern accent justice. Just get me a camera and some girls who are willing to at least get topless and I'll make a better fucking movie than this. It's THAT bad!

The Killer Nun (1978)

Director: Giulio Beruti

Starring: Anita Ekberg, Paola Morra, Joe Dallesandro

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: From the secret files of the Vatican!

Plot: A demented nun sliding through morphine addiction into madness, whilst presiding over a regime of lesbianism, torture and death. Sister Gertrude is the head nurse/nun in a general hospital, whose increasingly psychotic behavior endangers the staff and patients around her.

My Rating: 6.5

Would I watch it again? Yeah.

Part of the Nunsploitation Project (July & August 2013). Click here for more naughty nun insanity!

Yeah! It's the first Nunsploitation flick I've reviewed!

I've been meaning to watch this for a few years now. I've seen a couple of nunsploitation pictures in the past (both better than this one) and I really enjoyed them. I like what they bring to the table. THE KILLER NUN has got all the right ingredients for a great night at the movies - A KILLING FUCKING NUN! Lesbian Nuns! Nun violence, nun gore, nun boobs! And it was made by Italians in the 70s! What else do you need to be compelled to watch this movie?

Here we see nuns in their natural habitat:

The story's not too bad. On one hand, it's a film about a killer nun. On the other, it's about a renegade, junkie nun who loves the morphine and slowly loses her sanity. They play it very well. It's quite like an Italian Giallo movie with a religious setting. We get a nice little twist at the end and, although you kind of suspect it - they do give you clues throughout which is kind of neat and novel. It's just not enough to save this picture which, for the most part, just sits there limp. It's nearly as sterile and dull as the Catholic hospital it's set in.  But it's also stayed with me and I often go to it to show friends a 'best of' going from scene to scene, choosing the wild moments.

Ekberg's not aging well...she looks like Herbert Lom in drag!

If you cut a few scenes here and there you'd have a much leaner, campier picture. The camp factor is solely attributed to Ekberg's nearly over-the-top performance. As if that weren't enough, there are scenes where her makeup is caked on. Just check out those eyes!


She's got that Joan Crawford camp going on that's pretty funny with the right crowd. About 20 minutes into the film she's run out of morphine. The doctor of the hospital has refused to prescribe her any more so she takes a stolen ring into the big city to hock and she's dressed to the nines. She stops off at a lounge where she lights up a smoke, orders a drink and starts an inner dialogue about who'd she'd fuck from all of the three men in the room. Here's what's on the menu...

"Too Latin for my taste"

"Ah, a beard! I like beards. But the woman must be his wife. Forget it."

"Ahhh. He's rather attractive. Why don't you look this way?"

She decides on the last fella, does a little non-verbal flirting, leaves the joint, making sure he's following, and leads him inside the entrance of an apartment building where she seduces him. They fuck, clothes on, standing up. It lasts all of one minute. Apparently, that's all she needs. Here's the after-face:


Besides a fun ten minute sequence of her doing all kinds of nuns-don't-normaly-do-this-kind-of-shit I have no fucking clue as to what this has to do with the story except she needed to score some dope.

Here's a little somethin' for the ladies...

Don't touch it or you'll go blind!

There is one scene that I found disturbing and that's when Sister Gertrude (Ekberg) flips her wig, takes an elderly female patient's false teeth and stomps on them for no fucking reason. The old lady is totally distraught and you really feel for her. All of the patients look authentic to the point that they seem to be real people and not actors. But then some could also argue that actors are not real people...


I normally love composer Alessandro Alessandroni's (and if I remember correctly, if you've watched a Spaghetti Western and you hear whistling in the score, he's the whistler - he didn't tons of 'em) scores but this one is all over the place. For the most part, it's shit. Whenever there's violence on the way or Sister Gertrude is losing her marbles, he gives us this hideously bad penny slide whistle theme with lots of vibrato to make it sound like it's a Theremin. The trouble is, it's fucking obvious it's not a Theremin and it sounds like the toy that it truly is. Laughable. Absolutely laughable. The gay-ass music he plays during her romp to the city is weak but largely because it would've been better suited to a European film from the late 60s comedy than this one.

Alessandroni does have a moment of brilliance. When Gertrude's made it back to the hospital after her city-sex adventure, she's got the dope and she's ready to trip; a trip that ends in a brutal murder. The music you hear in the trailer is what you get here and it's a fantastic marriage of imagery and music. The music really elevates the sequence and it's a standout for me.

Shootin' up for Jesus!

Gertrude's got a hot lesbian nun for a roommate, Sister Mathieu, who's got a thing for Gertrude. Naturally, we've got to have some nun T&A. It really adds to the picture but it's not enough to save it. I mean seriously. You expect more hot lesbian action when you watch a flick with nuns in it, right?

That bush is big enough to run for President of the United States!

There are a few kills once you get a third into the picture. And some of the kills are pretty cool. One patient gets his head bashed in with a lamp and then dropped, head first, out of a fourth story window. Another is stabbed in the face with pins. One gets suffocated with cotton jammed in the mouth. Like the nudity, it does add to the picture but it's not enough to save it.


It sounds like a fun movie, right? It's the kind of film that's far more entertaining describing it than watching it. It just sits there sometimes. I was stoked at the plot and that it's all compressed into 82 short minutes. Nope. It's 82 long minutes. After the first ten I was starting to wander. Not a good sign. And I was ready for this film, too. Take out the scenes I've described and you're left with slow, static and sterile scenes that drag the picture down. It's the kind of thing that makes you glad you didn't join the nunnery or monastery or whatever they call it. Unless, of course, you're a woman who digs her hot lesbian nun sex up close and personal. Now THAT'S a habit I could get into. Ahahahahahahaha.

Swamp Country (1966)

Director: Robert Patrick

Starring: Rex Allen, Sue Casey, Lyle Waggoner and Baker Knight

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: SEE MAN ATTACKED BY A FEROCIOUS KILLER BEAR! SEE MOONSHINERS WHO PLAY FOR KEEPS AND ONLY THE LUCKY SURVIVE! SEE DEATH STRUGGLE IN QUICKSAND THAT SWALLOWS A MAN ALIVE!

Plot: In a small southern swamp town, a local girl is found murdered. A young California man passing through town is blamed, and in fleeing the local lynch mob he escapes into the Okeefeenokee Swamp, where he runs into even more dangers.

My Rating: 7/10

Would I watch it again? Bank on it.


This is part of a double bill with SWAMP GIRL as part of a Something Weird DVD box set called Drive-In Classics Collection. It's a steal at Amazon and Wal-Mart for $8.99 for the set.

Ahhhh, the memories...

I like this film for a lot of the same reasons as I liked SWAMP GIRL (1971). The beautiful Southern locales near the Georgia/Florida line, not too far from where I grew up. The use of local actors and their charming nature. SWAMP COUNTRY was more fun to watch even though it's not as technically good as SWAMP GIRL (acting-wise and whatnot). Part of the reason is because the print is widescreen and full of those wonderful pops and scratches. I thoroughly enjoyed this picture and I would gladly watch it again.

Won't somebody please send me a man?

You won't understand a word this man says but, whatever it is, it's hysterical!

There's a lot more to the story here than in SWAMP GIRL. The man accused of killing the girl in the hotel is a big, overweight, middle-aged fella that escapes custody and flees into the swamp. There, he goes into survival mode. A few locals, with the sheriff, go into the swamp to get him. One is mauled by a bear (you can't go wrong with a bear fight in your picture) and another drowns in quicksand, and not that thick-takes-forever-to-sink-quicksand either. The accused takes the mauled man back to the edge of the swamp where he'll be rescued. Surely he couldn't have been the killer, could he?



It turns out this guy was a war hero or something and a hardcore survivalist. Once the sheriff discovers that, he suspects they're looking for the wrong man but it's too late. He's out there in the swamp and they don't know where. Parts of this are sounding like FIRST BLOOD (1982).

Hey, kids! It's Bigfoot!

SWAMP COUNTRY has a couple of neat things. It's Lyle Waggoner's first film. Don't know him? He was a regular on THE CAROL BURNETT SHOW and TV's WONDER WOMAN. Or perhaps you know him from his Playgirl layout (he was Playgirl's first centerfold):


The best thing about this picture is definitely Baker Knight. He's a country/rock-a-billy song writer/performer. He's definitely not an actor but that doesn't really matter much 'cause his songs and performances are absolutely outstanding, fun and VERY contageous. I challenge you to watch this film and not come out the other side singing, "Swaaaaaaamp country. I'm talkin' 'bout swaaaaaaaaaaa-a-aamp country..." Great stuff. It turns out Knight wrote a shitload of hits including "Lonesome Town", a HUGE hit for Ricky Nelson, and of his nearly ONE THOUSAND SONGS, many were performed by Elvis, Dean Martin, Perry Como, Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr., Mickey Gilley, Jerry Lee Lewis and more. He was born and died in Birmingham, Alabama and if I had seen this film a few years ago (he died in 2005), I would have driven up there to meet the man. This guy had some serious talent. Watch it for him if that's all you need.


Knight plays a lazy no-account who hangs around wherever there's people (the general store, the local greasy spoon, on the hoods of cars) playing his guitar and singing all kinds of fun, folksy songs, seemingly making them up as he goes.

Look out! It's the swamp mafia!

Feets don't fail me now!

Throw in a love triangle between a redhead, Knight and the sheriff, moonshiners, some mafia types who threaten Knight with cutting his fingers off, a bear attack, aligators, GREAT location shooting, some local talent, and toss in a ho-down at the end and you've got yourself a real hum-dinger of a good time.




I would love to have seen this in a drive-in theater forty years ago. Oh, the stories I'd have...but then they wouldn't have been about the movie. I bet with all the goings-on in the back seat I'd've had a great time, not seeing more than the first five minutes of the film and comin' out the other end singing that infectuously catchy title song...and she would, too.