I Bury the Living (1958)

Director: Albert Band

Starring: Richard Boone

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: THE MOST SPINE-CHILLING CRY THAT EVER FROZE THE BLOOD!

Plot: A newly appointed cemetery chairman discovers that, merely by inserting a black pin into a wall-sized map of the cemetery, he can cause the deaths of that plot's owner.

My Rating: 6/10 (with the SHIT ending, 8/10 w/o the SHIT ending)

Would I watch it again? Not with that ending

I'm beside myself. For 71 minutes I'm glued to this thing like napalm on children. Then BAM! They fuck it up in the worst way possible by destroying EVERYTHING they built up until then. I had such high hopes for this one, too.


After seeing Boone in the amazing TV show, HAVE GUN, WILL TRAVEL (1957-1963), he catapulted into the top echelon of great actors in my book. And of everyone in this picture he certainly stands out. His performance, like the other films I've seen of his, is genuine and believable. That they would use that to lure me into this intriguing film only to smash all of it in the last five is despicable.

They do such a great job of creating this atmosphere, much of it in the cemetery shack where the plot board is, and there are some really neat warped perspective shots of the pins that they become characters themselves.


As far as the actors, the only real familiar face, besides Boone, is Herbert Anderson. You'll instantly recognize him. He played the father in the TV show, DENNIS THE MENACE (1959-1963). Theodore Bikel's portrayal of the grounds keeper Scotsman, Andy McKee, has GOT to be the inspiration for Grounds Keeper Willie on THE SIMPSONS. No doubt about it.


Gerald Freid's score is fantastic. It's pretty dark for it's time.

I BURY THE SPOILERS...

Toward the end, Kraft (Boone) gets the idea to replace the black pins with the white ones in the hope that it will bring them back alive. Then he baracades himself inside the shack. At this point I'm getting all giddy that there's going to be a zombie attack. Nope.

In the last five minutes we discover that McKee has been killing the victims (with fright!!!) all along and that Kraft had no supernatural power at all. With Kraft's fiance hanging on him with glee the ending is about as upbeat as it can be, especially considering they spent the previous 71 minutes bringing us deeper and deeper into grim territory. Inexcusable.

I thought that he would either accept and use his gift strategically, or, better still, he'd put a final pin on his plot (which they do show peripherally if you're looking for it) and he would have, in effect, killed himself.

END OF SPOILERS......YARRRRRR


Had the ending been more in line with the rest of the film then this would easily be an 8/10. This really saddened me. I'll get over it eventually. Maybe a nunsploitation movie will snap me out of it.

The God Who Wasn't There (2005)

Director: Brian Flemming

Starring: Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris and a bunch of Religiosos

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: A Film Beyond Belief

Plot: Did Jesus exist? This film starts with that question, then goes on to examine Christianity as a whole.

My Rating: 9/10

Would I watch it again? Fire up the simultinis and let's go


This is a scream. Fleming (who also narrates) is FUNNY...AS...HELL! At right about 60 minutes TGWWT flies with more laugh-out-loud moments than Bill Clinton's "I Did Not Have Sex With That Woman" speech.


The highlight (besides the hilarious finale) is the story of Jesus told in 6 minutes or less. Don't believe me?


See. 6 minutes or less. This guy's a riot and I can't wait to see what he does next. 86 crispy fans can't be wrong, can they?

The Keep (1983)

Director: Michael Mann

Starring: Scott Glenn, Alberta Watson, Jurgen Prochnow, Robert Prosky, Gabriel Byrne, Ian McKellen

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: THEY WERE ALL DRAWN TO THE KEEP. The soldiers who brought death. The father and daughter fighting for life. The people who have always feared it. And the one man who knows its secret... THE KEEP Tonight, they will all face the evil.

Plot: Nazis guard a citadel that harbors a dangerous force that starts wreaking havoc and death upon them, forcing an uneasy alliance with a Jewish professional who can stop it.

My Rating: 5/10

Would I watch it again? Nope.

Man, how about that long-ass tagline? It's size is commensurate with how long this movie feels. In my adolescence I had tried several times to watch this without falling asleep. I eventually made it but at a price. What a great concept for a movie that just lays there in front of you. it's like watching someone die over the course of a week and you keep hoping for some pearl of wisdom to come out of their mouth but when they speak they just give you the instructions on how to operate a rock. After all these years I FINALLY got my hands on a good widescreen print. Not much has changed.


The Good: Amazing set, great look and feel with more fog than 19th century London. The build-up to the release of the demon is well-executed and effective.


The Bad: With such a fantastic cast of (now) world famous actors it's a shame that few of them really turn in a good performance. For me the standout is Prochnow. I've always enjoyed his work ever since I first saw DAS BOOT (1981). Though he's got a ton of credits he never really made it to the A-List. And as much as I like McKellen, he's hammy here. There are some quality moments but that's offset with too much scenery chewing (as much as I'm sick of that expression).


The Ugly: IT'S FUCKING DULL AS HELL! There are very few synth/electronic scores that I'm keen on. John Carpenter always impressed me with his and Maurice Jarre can be OK (his score for WITNESS is criminal for not being orchestral). Tangerine Dream delivers this one and it's good and moody sometimes but then there are a few scenes where it's completely off the charts in the appropriate department. Count me out.

It's really a shame that this is so dreadful. The story is so ripe with atmosphere. I mean, come on. Nazis and demons? Bring it but don't bring THE KEEP. At 96 minutes it's 4 hours too long.

Saw IV (2007)

Director: Darren Lynn Bousman

Starring: Tobin Bell, Donnie Wahlberg

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: It's a Trap

Plot: Picking up where its grisly predecessor left off, Saw IV finds Jeff searching for his missing daughter. A videotape from the dead serial killer Jigsaw is Jeff's only lead in this frantic hunt. The film leapfrogs back and forth in time throughout the Saw series and ties up some bloody loose ends lingering from the previous films.

My Rating: 5/10

Would I watch it again? highly unlikely

Since I watched the previous three SAW films before I started this blog and I have no desire to ever re-visit them, I'll throw down my brief thoughts.

SAW (2004) - A great concept and stylized look marred by some really bland dialogue and really bad decisions by some characters like when Danny Glover is chasing the killer, rather than shoot him he leaps to the killer's feet to stop him. Naturally, Glover is separated from his weapon and suffers for it. Major Fail. 7/10

SAW II (2005) - More of the same from the first film but this time the traps are more elaborate and grisly. However, more of the same means more laughably bad dialogue and line delivery. 6/10

SAW III (2006) - It's interesting how they keep coming up with ways to continue the story but, alas, there's still the shit dialogue and acting. Although still watchable and interesting to a degree, this series is dying. Repeat viewings are not an option at this point. 5/10

Now with the latest one there's not much more to add. The franchise is fading. The fifth one is out and there'll likely be a sixth later this year. Here we still have more of the same BUT there are some real highlights. The opening autopsy sequence is squeamish and fun. However, I'm getting sick and fucking tired of EVERYTHING having hyper stylized audio. There's more squishing in this movie than Madonna's gynecological exam.


Other than that, the scene transitions are really neat and inventive. I'm a sucker for hidden transitions and swipes. And I really dig how they are able to continue the story. At least they're trying. Well...sort of.

Swish.


I'll continue to watch the series but I'll never expect to truly like any of them going forward and I'll take them for what they are. After all, the franchise is called SAW, not SEE AGAIN. Bwahahahahaha. Ugh.

Religulous (2008)

Director: Larry Charles

Starring: Bill Maher and a shitload of religious wackos

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: Heaven Help Us

Plot: Bill Maher interviews some of religion's oddest adherents. Muslims, Jews and Christians of many kinds pass before his jaundiced eye. Maher goes to a Creationist Museum in Kentucky, which shows that dinosaurs and people lived at the same time 5000 years ago. He talks to truckers at a Truckers' Chapel. He goes to a theme park called Holy Land in Florida. He speaks to a rabbi in league with Holocaust deniers. He talks to a Muslim musician who preaches hatred of Jews. Maher finds the unlikeliest of believers and, in a certain Vatican priest, he even finds an unlikely skeptic.

My Rating: 8/10

Would I watch it again? I'm ready right now

Overly-Religious people are a silly, and often stupid lot. And Bill Maher just knocks it home for us.

So how was it? It was better than Cats. I will see it again, and again, and again...

I doubt this is the kind of film that is going to change anyone's mind whether you believe in god(s) or not. As an atheist watching this with a room full of atheists, I found it hysterical and definitely worthy of repeat viewings. He and the director Larry Charles (BORAT) pull out all the stops using old silent religious-themed movies, clips from religious short films from the 50s and 60s (the kind of short films you were shown in school (if you're old enough, that is)), and stock footage from newsreels, religious nutjobs et al. It's corny but it gets funny reactions when it's used. Unlike the last film I talked about (EXPELLED) this type of film making works because IT'S A FUCKING COMEDY DOCUMENTARY! EXPELLED failed miserably at this because it wanted to be taken very silly. Whenever you show video of some type of previously filmed (for something else) footage EVERY time you mention said person/place/thing it comes across as very amateurish and stupid. It's on par with jump-scares in horror movies. It's cheap and shameless. But, like I said, it works great when you're soliciting laughs because it's such a ridiculous way to evoke an emotion.

The funniest person in the movie is this guy:


He's a fucking riot. I can't remember his name but he's a priest that holds some position in The Vatican and his views on religion are riotous and completely against the beliefs and teachings of many in the Catholic Church. This guy needs his own show/movie. He's priceless.

The ONLY thing about this movie I thought was too much was the ending. Maher culminates the entire film into a heavy-handed, gloom and doom finale that is meant to frighten everyone. I understand where he's coming from and, to a point, I agree but it's just that after 95 minutes of riotous laughter he throws this at us. It comes on too strong. I get it but I would have rather it ended as it began...fucking hysterically.


Oh, and before you start praising Maher for his beliefs or, better yet, non-beliefs, he's not exactly what you'd call a good skeptic. Sure he's an atheist or an agnostic but even they can believe in stupid things, too, that are just as idiotic as a magical invisible man that gets credit for EVERYTHING. If only Maher would turn that skeptic focus he has on religion and onto everything else in life he would soon discover that his beliefs in holistic medicine, detoxification, anti vaccination, HIV/AIDS denial and the big pharma conspiracy are all a steaming pile of horseshit and have no more basis in reality than Luke Skywalker.

But then RELIGULOUS is a fucking outrageously funny movie that I will watch again, and again, and again, and again...

Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed (2008)

Director: Nathan Frankowski

Starring: Ben "Bone-Head" Stein

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: Big science has expelled smart new ideas from the classroom...What they forgot is that every generation has its Rebel!

Plot: Hosted by Ben Stein, this controversial documentary examines how pro-intelligent design scholars and scientists are often chastised, fired or denied tenured positions by those who believe in Darwin's theory of evolution. It explores how scientists who believe in God are oppressed and how the acceptance of evolution may have played a role in the formation of organizations such as the Nazi regime and Planned Parenthood.



My Rating: 1/10

Would I watch it again? Oh, HELL, no!

Overly-Religious people are a silly, and often stupid lot. And Ben Stein just knocks it home for us.

Ben Stein is an idiot. Pure and simple. That's the lamest opening to a credible argument but after watching this film that's the conclusion you're left with. This is very amateurish film making at best. It's poorly crafted (using stock footage EVERY SINGLE TIME something is mentioned. ex. if Hitler's name is uttered we see Hitler and so on), poorly researched (it's filled with absolute, easy-to-research lies), and it's dull, dull, dull. In fact, if you do watch this, immediately go to www.expelledexposed.com where you will find the facts behind why these people were dismissed or, in some cases, quit their jobs while claiming they were fired.


Here we have a documentary that has a central battle between those scientists that believe in Intelligent Design (aka Creationism, the belief that the Earth is only 6,000 years old, that Adam & Eve were the first humans, that early humans live simultaneously with dinosaurs until Noah's flood came and wiped them all out) and the scientific establishments that believe in Evolution, a scientifically proven fact that is regarded as such by an overwhelming percentage of scientists across the globe, around 95%. At no point in this 90 minute mess does Ben Stein or the film makers provide us with a definition of either ID or Evolution. I'm willing to bet that a large percentage of people who watch this do not have a clear understanding as to what either of these truly are. This is a massive fail of biblical proportions (hahaha).

Oh! And then there's the music. Composer Andy Hunter paints with such a broad stroke it's appalling. If the film makers want music to convey sadness, Hunter gives you REALLY sad music, for anger it's REALLY pissed off and so on. It's horrendous and laughable it's so bad.

They couldn't have picked a more subtle title. No Intelligence Allowed? Film makers included.


Why is my score so harsh? Documentaries should be held to a higher standard because their initial purpose is to educate. To do so with lies and deceit is inexcusable.

If it's not painfully obvious as to how bad this is and how wrong it can be, just look at Ben Stein, the host and writer. I don't doubt that he's an intelligent man. Smart people can believe in really dumb, idiotic things. Hell, I used to believe in George luca$. Regarding science, Ben Stein is on record as saying, "I was thinking to myself the last time any of my relatives saw scientists telling them what to do they were telling them to go to the showers to get gassed … that was horrifying beyond words, and that’s where science — in my opinion, this is just an opinion — that’s where science leads you."

Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

The Great Silence (1968)

Director: Sergio Corbucci

Starring: Jean-Lous Trintignant, Klaus Kinski, Frank Wolff

More Info: IMDB

Plot: A mute gunslinger faces off against a gang of bounty hunters in the great blizzard of 1899, and a grim, tense struggle unfolds.

My Rating: 9/10

Would I watch it again? Oh, yeah!

#121 on Drive-In Delirium Volume 2 (part of the TRAILER TRASH PROJECT)

Stunning. One of the all-time great Spaghetti Westerns. It's easily one of the bleakest. As with many Spags, the "good guy" isn't necessarily a good man. Often there's some grey area. On the other hand, the "bad guy" is just about always REALLY bad. In this one the two roles are only separated by a slender thread of conscience but their methods are the same. Silence (Trintignant) won't draw unless drawn upon. So he goads his soon-to-be-victims into drawing first. Loco (Kinski) does the same but when everyone's backs are turned he'll just as soon shoot you in the back for the reward.



The performances are very good with a standout performance by Frank Wolff as Sheriff Burnett, the good man sent to bring order to the town. He's tough and does his job but it seems like he's annoyed by the bad bounty hunters that have swarmed the town.

Loco: Can't a man provide for his old age?
Sheriff Burnett: I don't think you're gonna make it.


One unusual aspect about this Spag is that it's entirely set during a blizzard with the snow being almost another character. The deep white snow permeates the picture giving you an added sense of isolation and danger making this a very unique entry into the genre.

Behind the camera we have the director Sergio Corbucci, a Spag staple with a nice catalog of great films including DJANGO (1966), NAVAJO JOE (1966), THE HELLBENDERS (1967), THE MERCENARY (1968), THE SPECIALIST (1969), COMPANEROS (1970) and SONNY AND JED (1972) to name a few; all of which are among many Spaghetti Western fans' top 20 lists.


And then there's the genius of composer Ennio Morricone. His Spag scores are legendary and nearly all of them are the best of the SW genre. This one is no exception. It's beautiful, lyrical and sad. It's not a hero's score. It conveys the beauty of the landscape, the hope that good will win over evil and the certainty that it often will not. It's haunting and one of his best.


And it's nice to have a very tasteful and tender love scene in a SW. Although it is a stretch to find the VERY recently widowed Pauline (Vonetta McGee) fall for another man so quickly, Corbucci handles the build-up with such craftsmanship that you can easily suspend your disbelief and accept that she really does love Silence regardless of the reasons.


The ending is easily one of my favorite of all-time and that's saying something. It sticks to you well after the film has ended. This is one of the most mature Spaghetti Westerns out there and if you should ever only see a few of them, make room for THE GREAT SILENCE. It will literally leave you speechless.