Small Gauge Trauma (2006)

Director: Bunches of 'em

Starring: Lots of people we don't know

More Info: AMAZON

Plot: Lots of independent short films with a horror theme.

My Rating: 6/10

Would I watch it again? Is this what Tom Cruise calls his junk? Nicole might've.

I like short film compilations because even though there's some that you won't like, you'll probably find a handful that you really enjoy. I liked some of these but I didn't love any of them. There's some slick stuff in here and there's some turkeys. Part of the problem is trying to watch several at a time. Some of these are best watching just one between a horror double feature. And some are best not to watch at all. Some will leave you scratching your head and others will leave you saying, "Hmmm. That was different."

BTW, if you do find you're scratching your head, leave the possibility open that it might not be the movie. It could be lice, so please consult your doctor before it's too late.

Candyman (1992)

Director: Bernard Rose

Starring: Virginia Madsen, Tony Todd, Vanessa Williams

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: We Dare You To Say His Name Five Times!

Plot: An old tale says that if you say "candyman" five time whilst looking into a mirror, then "he" will appear behind you and cut you in two. The heroine of this story is writing a thesis on such tales. During her investigations, she encounters the "candyman".



My Rating: 6/10

Would I watch it again? Only if it's remade with Sammy Davis Jr.

The reputation of the movie as being a great cult horror film is huge. I was underwhelmed. I really liked the serious attempt at making a new horror villain that's unique but when it was all said and done, there wasn't that much original about it. And unless I missed something somewhere I failed to see exactly why the candyman was coming back after all of these years. I'm sure it's something simple but I must've been absent that day in school.

There's some great shots and effects throughout and it is entertaining. It just falls short of keeping me glued to the set. Now if Sammy Davis Jr were in this thing it'd be a sure-fire classic. Are the sequels any better? I'm not sure I want to find out. I've got crappy sequels to HALLOWEEN, FRIDAY THE 13TH and NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET to watch.

In Bruges (2008)

Director: Martin McDonagh

Starring: Colin Farrell, Brendan Gleeson, Ralph Fiennes

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: Shoot first. Sightsee later.

Plot: Holed up in Bruges, Belgium after a difficult job, two hit men begin to differ on their views of life and death as they become used to local customs.



My Rating: 8/10

Would I watch it again? Does Ralph Fiennes pronounce his name funny?

Here's a nice little sleeper surprise. I saw the poster for it at the theater but never saw a trailer. I'd heard good things about it but it wasn't until I heard that Fiennes played a cockney gangster that the deal was sealed. And now it's out on DVD. IN BRUGES walks a fine line from being a serious gangster drama to a light-hearted game of cat and mouse. It sometimes feels like a lighter version of SEXY BEAST (2000) (and if you haven't seen this one then you're missing one of the best British gangster films of the past 20 years with a performance by Ben Kingsley as one of the meanest mother fuckers in screen history). It does seem a bit too silly a couple of times and Ralph's character telegraphs some foreshadowing way too early but despite all of that it's a good, quaint little gangster story filmed in the beautiful Belgian town of Bruges (pronounced Broozch).

Galaxy Quest (1999)

Director: Dean Parisot

Starring: Tim Allen, Sigourney Weaver, Alan Rickman, Tony Shalhoub, Sam Rockwell, and look quick for Raine "Dwight Schrute" Wilson

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: The show has been cancelled...but the adventure is just beginning.

Plot: The alumni cast of a cult space TV show have to play their roles as the real thing when an alien race needs their help.



My Rating: 8/10

Would I watch it again? Has Tim Allen's career dried up as much as Phillis Diller's cooze?

I had forgotten how good this was since I first saw this years ago on laser disc. It's loads of fun and very clever. I'm not a huge STAR TREK fan but I loved the original series and I've seen the movies. That's it. Of all of the spinoff series, I've only watched the pilots of TNG and DSN. There may be some gags and in-jokes that I'm missing but I don't think so. It's a hoot to watch regardless. It's filled with great, fun performances and Allen was a perfect choice for the role of the Shatner-esque conceited actor/TV show lead. There've been rumors of a sequel that have been bandied about for years but it's probably unlikely that will happen. It's not really needed. Everything was tidied up at the end. But it would be nice to have these actors back for more because their ensemble chemistry was too much fun not to want more.

Forbidden Zone (1980)

Director: Richard Elfman

Starring: Herve Villechaize, Susan Tyrrell and lots of the Elfman family

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: A chaotic musical fantasy.

Plot: A mysterious door in the basement of the Hercules house leads to the Sixth Dimension by way of a gigantic set of intestine. When Frenchy slips through the door, King Fausto falls in love with her. The jealous Queen Doris takes Frenchy prisoner, and it is up to the Hercules family and friend Squeezit Henderson to rescue her.



My Rating: 8/10

Would I watch it again? Does Herve Villechaize qualify as "take on luggage"?


An IMDB commenter summed it up best as describing FZ as a "Live-action Betty Boop cartoon on acid." Perfect. This is 74 minutes of some of the most unusual, VERY entertaining cinema you will ever see. It's out there, man. I love it. It's un-PC, potentially offensive to all kinds of people, and visually and aurally stimulating to the "nth" degree.


And if that's not enough, Danny "THE MAN" Elfman wrote the terrific songs and scored it using his band, The Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo. Remarkable stuff. Remarrrrkaaable. If the trailer doesn't pique your interest then it's hopeless. Get this now!

The Spy Who Came in from the Cold (1965)

Director: Martin Ritt

Starring: Richard Burton, Clair Bloom, Oskar Werner, Sam Wanamaker

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: Brace yourself for greatness!

Plot: British agent Alec Leamas refuses to come in from the cold war during the 1960s, choosing to face another mission, which may prove to be his final one.



My Rating: 9/10

Would I watch it again? Definitely!

This is the best spy film of the 60s outside of the Bond franchise. In many ways it's better than the Bond pictures because it's deadly serious, caustic and cold. It's brilliantly executed and it gives you the feeling that this is probably closer than anything else in film that illustrates the reality of being a spy. Watch the clip above and he illustrates it beautifully. He's cynical and, after years of being in the business, he has every right to be. TSWCIFTC doesn't sugar-coat anything.


Burton is magnificent here. The story is taut and matter-of-fact. The film makers don't hold your hand through the process Burton travels. You have to figure stuff out on your own. I particularly like his building his cover section of the film. In most films they'd somehow explain to you what's going on but here they just do it and let you connect the dots yourself. The B&W photography just makes it colder. Magnificent. I love this film and recommend it as a mandatory viewing for anyone interested in the genre of spy films; specifically 60s spy films. I haven't seen a finer example albeit there are some good ones. For example, Alec Guinness played retired spy, George Smiley, in two excellent TV mini-series, TINKER, TAYLOR, SOLDIER, SPY (1979) and SMILEY'S PEOPLE (1982). Seek them out. If you like films that stimulate your intellect, these are a must.

Every Which Way But Loose (1978)

Director: James Fargo

Starring: Clint Eastwood, Sondra Locke, Geoffrey Lewis, Bevery D'Angelo, Ruth Gordon, Manis (as Clyde)

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: Clint Eastwood will turn you Every Which Way But Loose

Plot: Philo Beddoe is an easy-going trucker and a great fist-fighter. With two friends - Orville, who promotes prize-fights for him, and Clyde, the orangutan he won on a bet - he roams the San Fernando Valley in search of cold beer, country music and the occasional punch-up. But he falls for a dainty little country and western singer, who gives him the slip when she realizes he's getting too serious. Philo, Clyde and Orville set off in pursuit, pestered by bikers and two detectives seeking revenge.

My Rating: 6/10

Would I watch it again? Maybe in 25 more years when I've forgotten about it

I haven't seen this since I was a teenager in the 80s. I remember it being a good movie. I guess what I remember were the funny parts and not the shitty bits. EWWBL isn't that good of a movie. It's watchable for Eastwood, Lewis, Gordon (who's HYSTERICAL every time she opens her mouth) and Clyde, the orangutan. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, that has to do with the biker gang or the two detectives is extremely cartoony, childish and not funny. I guess if you're in "that mood" it might work.

It's got some truly funny shit in there but the story bounces around and it feels like a bunch of ideas and meanderings more than a fully realized plot line sometimes. Not that that is a bad thing, but it's just OK so don't expect much if you haven't seen it. I am looking forward to seeing the sequel (which I recall not like as much as a teen) because it's got Eastwood fighting Badass William Smith at the end. I see that Sondra Locke is back. That's going to hurt...REAL...BAD. She's not a good actress and she should make out with a likeness of Clint every morning that she wakes up that she ever met him because otherwise she'd have never gotten any decent work. I feel sick.