Tagline: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
Plot Outline: Luke Skywalker leaves his home planet, teams up with other rebels, and tries to save Princess Leia from the evil clutches of Darth Vader.
My Rating: 10/10
Would I watch it again? Duh?
I saw this in the summer of '77 when I was 8 years old. It changed my life. For about 6 or 7 years after I saw it I ate, drank and slept Star Wars. Probably the last time I gave a shit about christmas was back in the early 80s when it meant I'd be getting some new Star Wars toys. What else was there?
It's fun, adventurous and beautiful. My top 3 favorite movies of all time are 1) RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK 2) STAR WARS and 3) THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. That's all I need to say. Oh, except that Luca$ can take the film footage of Greedo shotting first, swallow it (leaving the tail end of it hanging out of his mouth), shit it out (not sure which end that would be on Luca$) and have some fucking Ewoks on one end and Jar Jar on the other having a tug of war. Who would win? We would!
Tagline: The sheriff fought for peace. Now he would kill for vengeance.
Plot Outline: Sheriff Sean Kilpatrick (Harris) is a pacifist. Frank Brand (Taylor) is the leader of a band of killers. When their paths cross Kilpatrick is compelled to go against everything he has stood for to bring death to Brand and his gang. Through his hunt into Mexico he is challenged by a noble Mexican Sheriff (Lettieri) interested only in carrying out the law - not vengeance.
My Rating: 6/10
Would I watch it again? Nope.
Richard Harris CAN be a good actor...when he's not he's over-doing it. It's either pitch-perfect or over-the-top. Here he's the latter.
The four minutes give us nothing but stills with a burlap texture and audio from scenes being depicted. It's odd at first but it's a neat way of giving us the necessary background on Harris as to his view of violence and guns. When we get to the "moving pictures" portion of the film (which is a fantastic transition, btw) it's for the bank raid by Taylor. Harris, before he goes apeshit for vengeance, is great. He's rather like his character years later in UNFORGIVEN (1992). He's cool. HAVE SPOILERS WILL TRAVEL...once Taylor kills his wife and young boy he abandons his passive ways and starts a decent into pure revenge which, at times, goes over the top. END OF SPOILERS...YARRRR.
"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr."
That's Harris. He's fun to watch for the most part. In his westerns he always seem to get his ass kicked all over the place. There's no shortage of that here. Rod Taylor is a total badass. He's THE reason to watch this. I discovered afterward that he's an Australian. You'd never know it. He NAILS the Southern accent to the back wall and he plays the part so well it feels real. Neville Brand does a fine job as Choo Choo (he's called that because he as a footlong piece of railroad track for a hand!!!) and then there's the GREAT character actor Al Lettieri as the Mexican Sheriff, Gutierrez. He's more of a passive puss than Harris to the point of frustation from the viewer. I've always enjoyed his work, what little is out there to see. He died too young at 47 of a heart attack in 1975.
"Al 'Normally a Badass But Not So Much In This One' Lettieri
There's some great lines, too, as in this scene between Kilpatrick and Brand.
Brand: You understand Mex, fella? They're sayin' they're gonna hang you. (pause)
Brand: I hope it hurts like a sonofabitch!
The problem, besides the sometimes performances (except for Taylor who shines all the way through), is the pacing. It just drags in places from the get-go. And at nearly 2 hours (110 minutes) it's unforgivable. Taylor's gang fucks Harris' shit up more than a few times and that's pure evil fun. Oh, then there's the music. Credited are Fred Steiner and Jerry Fielding. Much of the score is lifted from Fielding's score to THE WILD BUNCH (1969). Specifically, the triple/duple/triple meter cue. It's great stuff but if you remember it from TWB then it detracts and I've seen TWB about a dozen times. I couldn't help but be reminded of it every time I heard it. That's not something you want your movie to do. It's one thing to give you the feeling of another film but you don't want to be taken out of what you're watching at the same time.
In all it's not a bad film but it's not a very good one either. Watch it for Rod Taylor's top-notch performance and the beautiful Mexican locations. Stay through it, though, because the ending is is going to kick you square in the nuts. I really enjoyed that - the ending, not the kicking 'O' the nuts part.
Tagline: The birth of a hero. The death of an empire. The adventure of a lifetime.
Plot Outline: The Spanish explorer Pizarro (Shaw) captures the Inca god-chief Atahualpa (Plummer) and promises to free him upon the deliverance of a horde of gold. But Pizarro finds himself torn between his desire for conquest and his sense of honor after friendship and respect develops between captive and captor.
My Rating: 6/10
Would I watch it again? Does the Pope shit in the woods? There's no direct evidence but I'd say probably not.
Here's a WACKY scene with Christopher Plummer doing some "acting"?!
NOTE: Youtube has disabled embedding for this clip but you can still watch it by clicking here.
OK, so I watch PLAY DIRTY and Nigel Davenport kicks all kinds of ass and that put me in the mood to watch something else that he did so when I saw that he did this one a year later and it's with Robert Shaw, Christopher Plummer and Andrew Kier AND it's about Spanish conquistadors kicking some Incan ass I thought I couldn't go wrong. I went wrong. I didn't realize I had gotten a one-way ticket to snoozeville.
Before I touch on the acting I'll touch on a few things. This is adapted from a stage play written by Peter Shaffer (who also wrote the plays, EQUUS & AMADEUS). It's obvious. It also looks like they didn't have much more budget than for a play. The movie starts off with Shaw in the court of the King. Through voice over we discover that it takes Shaw a year to assemble his small army and ship. They're seen walking through the Spanish desert. The very next scene is them walking through the Peruvian desert without any notice that they've traveled at all!?! I sat there for a minute wondering what the hell happened. Once I figured it out I was cool with it but shit. The Incan city of gold consisted of one concrete palace and that's it. We're never allowed to see beyond that. The music by Marc Wilkinson was very odd. During the initial slaughter of unarmed Incans we're treated to a surreal use of slow motion with an acoustic guitar/vocal flamenco song. Strange. In a strange way it worked but only a little and the scene needed much more violence to be truly effective.
I love the films of the 60s. They're so cynical. This one's a damning of religion, specifically Catholicism. It's throughout the picture but the best moment is the entrance of Plummer who believes he is the son of the Sun God which makes him a God as well. The Catholic priest stand before him explaining (in a fair amount of detail) the story of Jesus and why he's the only God in town and so on and so on. In aggravation, he starts to whine and moan at the banality of it all. I felt his pain. The priest rattles on with his nonsense and eventually hands Plummer a bible. Plummer listens to it, touches it, looks at it, sniffs it, and finally plows his tongue from the bottom of the book to the top. He then spits and throws it to the ground in disgust. COOL!!!
Now the acting. Robert Shaw is a MO-FO of an actor. And so is Davenport and Kier. I've always liked Plummer in everything I've seen him in until now. His performance is so eccentric and bizarre. He's off the charts in this. He's either so brilliant that I'm blind or he's a mentally retarded Monty Python fan stuck in overdrive. At one point I'd swear I saw some LSD tabs on the set. I give this one a 6; 5 for Shaw's brilliant performance and 1 for Plummer's balls to pull off one of the most laughable bits of acting I've ever seen.
Besides Plummer, who does make it interesting even if he's nuts, what brings the film down is the pacing. As I said, it's based on a play and so there's very little action to punch up the slow spots which I would be OK with if it just didn't move so damn slow. If Shaw weren't so engaging to watch this would be a total waste of time. The print I saw (released by Simitar) is widescreen (non-anamorphic) but it's atrocious. Print damage throughout with lots of pops and noise, the occasional missing few frames that rob us of some key dialogue, ghosting effects and so on. It's better than a fullscreen print I suppose but they could have done something to clean this up. Even if Criterion comes out with a special edition of it I'll only watch it again if it's a longer cut. Once was enough with the print I watched. If you LOVE Shaw like I do it's worth seeing. If you want to see Plummer looking amazing for a 42 year-old buffoon then watch the clip above. That should give you enough of an idea about what he does in this.
When I was about an hour and fifteen minutes into it I was pleasantly surprised to see that I only had about thirteen minutes to go. Nice. Oh, and the ending is pretty fucking cool. Since you're unlikely to see it I'll spoil it for you. HERE BE ROYAL SPOILERS...Shaw, after spending more than two months with Plummer, is convinced that Plummer is a God after all and believes as he is told that after he dies his body will be touched by the Sun God (his father) at the next day's light and brought back to life. So the next morning after Plummer's execution Shaw has his dead body in his royal regalia on his throne. After the morning sun bathes him and the room in light Shaw approaches Plummer and grabs his hand at which point the helmet falls forward followed by his corpse landing on the floor beneath him. The look of disappointment on Shaw's face says it all. END OF SPOILERS...YARRRRRR. I really wanted to like this film but there's far too much keeping it down.
Tagline: Forget the medals, throw away the rule book, if you want to survive.... Play Dirty
Plot Outline: A British Petroleum executive (Caine) is assigned to work with the British Army in North Africa handling port duties for incoming fuels. This gives him the official rank of Captain in the British Army. The Colonel (Green) in charge of a squad of Desert Rats is told he must have a British officer accompany his men on a dangerous mission 400 miles behind the German lines and is saddled with the Petroleum executive. The real leader of the Dirty Dozen (Davenport), a released prisoner himself, doesn't need or want the British officer, who's supposed to be in charge, but he's promised an extra 2,000 British Pounds if he gets him back alive.
My Rating: 8/10
Would I watch it again? Does the Pope wear a funny hat?
Here's the first 5:37...
Here's a pleasant surprise. I'm a sucker for WWII flicks to begin with; mostly pre-1980. I'm a bit more choosy when it comes to this genre after 1980. This cynical film is covered top to bottom in sand, sand and more sand. I kept thinking my lips were chapped it was so dry. Great atmosphere and cinematography (Edward Scaife). From the opening you'd think it was a big-screen version of RAT PATROL but it ain't. I could be if RP hadn't been aimed at a younger audience.
Caine is great as usual but it's Davenport that steals the show. This guy's a badass in the way that Robert Shaw was. In fact in '69 He co-starred with Shaw in THE ROYAL HUNT FOR THE SUN playing De Soto. I'm so jazzed about this guy's badassicity that I'm going to watch that one in a few minutes. He turned 80 last month. I bet he's still snapping people's necks in the old folks home and making it look like an accident.
"Badass with a British accent"
PLAY DIRTY does seem to go on for too long; especially after they "sort of" complete their mission only to find out there's more to do. I felt like I was done with this at that spot but I'm glad there was more. There are plenty of action sequences that take up a good deal of screen time with some well-earned tension. My favorite one involved Caine's character about to blow himself up (unknowingly) with a booby trap. Davenport saves the day but they drag it out with virtually no sound save the wind, building the tension as they search for the mine. HERE BE SPOILERS...at a moment when it's as tight as it can get another mine goes off. I jumped off the couch a couple of inches. Nice. Great editing job there, too. END OF SPOILERS...YARRRRR
The ending (which I won't spoil) is batshit fucking insane. It's one of those shovel upside the head with a loud "TINGK" kind of endings. In 2 seconds it went from being a 7 to an 8. WOW! It's a great payoff to a very well-made film. Highly recommended.
Plot: Famed archaeologist/adventurer Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones is called back into action when he becomes entangled in a Soviet plot to uncover the secret behind mysterious artifacts known as the Crystal Skulls.
My Rating: 3/10
UPDATE 8/12/16: My rating: 6/10
Would I watch it again? ONLY with lots of friends and a well-stocked liquor cabinet
WOW! I waited 19 years for this? I caught this last night at the opening midnight show. I had ZERO expectations. Before I get started, here's how the other 3 films stack up:
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) - My favorite movie of all time. It is pure escapist fun that has no equal (well, along with Star Wars and ESB)
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984) - LOVE it. It's different and dark. They strayed from the first movie giving us a completely different adventure; unlike some series that stay with the same ole same ole.
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989) - Like it but it's an obvious attempt to apologize to the fans for giving us Temple of Doom and it tries too much to give us the feeling of Raiders. That and they made buffoons out of Sallah and Marcus which is utterly uncalled for - taking two intelligent characters and making them into bumbling idiots. Like most things in life, I blame George Luca$.
Indiana Jones and the Barrage of Spoilers:
WTF did I just see? I go in with no expectations thinking that, at the very least, I'll be entertained. I don't feel that I can view this movie without the previous films in mind. Indiana Jones (and pals) is an established character. We KNOW who he is. Judging by what I just witnessed I'm not sure the creators of this series know anymore.
This is likely to be a shitty review because I'm so pissed right now. I'm just going to go with a check list of what I like and dislike.
- Bad? There's way too much CGI. One of the great things about the other films is that they were filled with so many fantastic, practical effects. They worked then. I don't see why they can't work now. Bigger effects in no way means better.
- Good? The film looks like it was made 30 years ago but the film does look a bit too soft (bad). Having a shiny new IJ movie just wouldn't cut it for me. But then again this one didn't cut it for me either.
- Bad? You know you're in trouble when, in the opening seconds of the film as the mountainous Paramount logo dissipates into a mound of dirt, we get a CGI prairie dog. I honestly half-expected the damn thing to start grooving to the Kenny Loggins song, "I'm Alright" from Caddyshack. Thank you George Luca$.
- Good? Can't think of anything at the moment. Back in a second...
- Bad? Remember that prairie dog at the beginning of the film? We get to see them, for comic relief, in two more scenes.
- Good? Shia LaBeouf (as Mutt, Indy's son) does a pretty good job; much better than I had expected. He kind of reminded me of Freddie Rodriguez's character from Planet Terror. I think he did fine and, for the most part, didn't do anything that was groan-inducing.
- Bad? Shia's groan-inducing moment...swinging through the jungle on vines with a shitload of monkeys ala Tarzan. I'm STUNNED that Luca$ didn't insist on a Tarzan yell. Hey, he did it in TWO Star Wars movies! I'm willing to bet that Luca$ fought with Spielberg to put that scene in the movie with the Tarzan yell and, to comprise, Spielberg, not wanting the scene at all, allowed the scene but he wouldn't do the yell.
- Good? There's a wonderful moment when the bad guys after Indy and Mutt slam into a statue of Marcus Brody and the head falls off into the driver's lap. That part was bad but then Mutt looks over and chuckles and at the same time Indy's face is very sad and reverent. Mutt glances back at Indy and, seeing that Indy's upset, he stops the laugh and moves on. THAT was a touching moment.
- Bad? Indy survives a nuclear blast by hiding in a refrigerator? W...T...F? And the refrigerator is the only thing thrown from the mock-town? Then he WALKS out of it like it's nothing? I don't fucking think so.
- Good? There's a nice reference to the TV show, The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles, where Indy tells Mutt he learned Mayan (or something) when he was kidnapped by Poncho Villa.
- Bad? Karen Allen & Ray Winstone are VERY WELCOME additions to the cast but are, in large part, wasted. Growing up as a kid I had two MAJOR movie star crushes: Madeline Kahn & Karen Allen. I'll take what I can get i suppose.
- Good? Only a few of the ENDLESS pop culture & movie references like Mutt's entrance on a motorcycle appearing through the steam looking exactly like Brando from The Wild One. The brawl scene in the soda shop just like the brawl scene in one of my favorite Spielberg films, 1941.
- Bad? Cate Blanchet's character, Spalko, a Russian bad person, is a waste. She brought nothing to it and for someone who's supposed to be psychic (HA!) she uses it once in the beginning and that's it for the rest of the film. At one point when Indy & pals escape into the jungle I thought for sure she was going to say in her thick Russian accent, "Moost find Moose and Squirrel."
- Bad? WTF is so evil about the Russians in this movie? They kill the guards in the opening sequence and the natives near the end but that's it. Spalko says she's a badass but you'd never know it by her or any of her Rooskie buddies' actions. Lame Lame Lame. There's nothing ruthless about her.
- Bad? Ray Winstone's character leaves small electronic sensors (about the size of a half-roll of nickels - with a glowing red light at the tip) from time to time to give Spalko & pals a trail to follow them. Like ET and the hi-tech Reeces Pieces. They don't even have an electronic scanner to find these things. She just finds them on the ground. It's flimsy at best. So he's got a pocket full of these beeping, glowing sensors? I don't think so.
- Bad? We get non-speaking, fighting supposed bad guys TWICE. Once when Indy & Mutt check out an old-ass cemetery where they're attacked by what looks like a band of escaped circus freaks that fight them FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER. They were simply there to give our two heroes some danger. Weak. Then it happens again near the end when Indy & pals are walking through a tomb of sorts and OUT OF THE DIRT WALLS come a shitload of natives with bolos and chase them down. WTF? Where did they come from (Besides the walls)? Who are they? Why are they there? How long had they been there? It was such an obvious attempt at A) giving us an image similar to the one in Raiders where Indy is being chased by a shitload of natives and B) creating a weak action sequence where they felt like they should have one. So so so weak. Like so many things in the film it felt forced.
- Good? We get a small taste of what Indy's been up to in the last 19 years like his service in the army, as a spy and whatnot. It's only briefly mentioned but for a moment it smelled of...oh I don't know...character development. I couldn't help but think that I would rather be watching ANY of those stories than the one I'm there for.
- Bad? Indy is accused of being a commie/traitor to the US near the beginning and he's fired from his position at the college. We never hear about that for the rest of the film. It's especially curious because he's back at the college at the end of the film.
- Good? Dean Stanforth (played with class by Jim Broadbent) tells Indy that he's been fired (with pay) by the board at the college due to his traitor accusations. Indy, naturally, is pissed and feels Stanforth didn't put up much of a fight. When he confronts Stanforth with this as to how hard he fought for him (very sarcastically), Stanforth says, "I resigned". THAT was a nice moment with an awful lot of weight.
- Bad? Indy is sitting at his desk at home with the, now former, Dean Stanforth, and Indy, seeing the two framed photos on his desk - one of his father (Connery) and one of Marcus (Elliot), remarks how sad it was to lose both of them in the same year!!! It was completely unnecessary and could have been handled with class by a simple, extended reverent glance by Indy and a nice little snippet of music. That still brings home the point without having to say, "Gee, it's awfully bad breaks to lose Dad and Marcus, ain't it?"
- Good? Look quick as Dean Stanforth enters Indy's classroom for there's a portrait of Marcus on the wall outside his door. It's gone in a flash but it's another nice touch.
- Bad? The whole plot is about aliens who came to South America and taught the natives how to build an advanced civilization? WTF? Oh, yeah, I'm on board for that. AND that there are 12 crystal skeletons of these aliens in a tomb waiting for the return of the 13th skull so they can then combine into one and create a living, breathing alien that will hop in his flying saucer and grab that one-way ticket to splitsville, physically destroying everything they had built in the first place? Woof.
- Good? The relationship between Indy and Mutt was handled very well. I was actually stunned to see it play out so well. It's usually a real groaner when you introduce a child or a parent to an established character like this. Indy's relationship with his father in Crusade was handled nicely as well. It worked there and it works here.
- Bad? At no point do the chase/fight scenes really grab me. The closest it came was with the army of ants. That wasn't too bad of a set piece but it's not without flaws. The deaths by ants were cool; especially with the one soldier who got a little carried away. Bwahahaha. It turns out, too, that the ants are afraid of the crystal skull. Too bad the writers weren't.
- Bad? Indy and Marion getting hitched at the end? WTF? I think it was pretty well established that they love each other tremendously, that Indy wasn't going to make the same mistake again and they would be together after their adventure was over.
- Good? at the end of the wedding scene (bad) the wind blows the doors open (really bad) and Indy's Fedora rolls up to the feet of Mutt (embarrassingly bad). Mutt picks up the hat and starts to put it on only to have Indy slyly take it from his hand and puts it on his own head. Very nice!
- Bad? Sad? John Williams' score, and I'm a HUGE fan of his going wayyyyy back, did very little but give us an older theme or two. I was actually listening for a new theme and couldn't find anything that felt like a well-thought-out theme. It's sad because he gave the Star Wars prequels some amazing music, otherwise elevating the films (the first two at least) higher than they deserved. Here there was nothing, absolutely nothing.
I could go on but this aggravates me to no end. To really sum this up, the film felt like a string of missed opportunities - one right after another. It pains me that Luca$ doesn't respect the audience enough to not hold our hands through his movies. We don't need to be telegraphed plot lines and devices that you just know are going to show up later on. It's insulting as a movie goer to be treated this way. I'm not asking for a Ingmar Bergman picture but for fuck's sake do you have to treat it like we're all four-year-olds and can't think for ourselves? Luca$ recently said in an interview that Indy fans should lower their expectations going into this film. He couldn't have been more right.
UPDATE 8/12/16: I just watched it for the first time since opening night 8 years ago. It's not as bad as I initially thought. It still has a lot of problems but my overall sense of hating the film has passed to just not liking it all that much. Indy having a discussion about quicksand (or whatever he and Marion were sinking in) is just ludicrous as is Mutt's swordfight and so many other things are just awful and shouldn't have made it to the final cut. It's still just an OK movie and sub par entry in the Indiana Jones franchise. There's recent talk of making another one. One thing that gives me hope is that everyone involved in SKULL has learned from their mistakes and get back to the root of the character. RAIDERS is an amazing film. It was the first of the series so it didn't have the obligation to reference a previous film. Let's hope the new one adheres to that and blazes it's own trail as if it has a history without the need to remind us of it.
Plot: After three years of fighting in the Clone Wars, Anakin Skywalker concludes his journey towards the Dark Side of the Force, putting his friendship with Obi Wan Kenobi and his marriage at risk.
View Trailer:
My Rating: 8/10
Would I watch it again? Yup.
Here's another short one. This one kicks ass. I give it an 8 but there's still the amaturish acting from Christensen and some bad dialogue (but not nearly as much as the previous two). Take that out and I'd give it a 10 and rank it up there with STAR WARS and EMPIRE but never surpassing those two.
This one' s just a load of fun and it's largely due to the darkness of the story and the performances of McGregor and McDiarmid. Palpatine OWNS this movie and every scene he's in. No question.
Best/worst line that will live forever? After Obi Wan hands Anakin his ass at the climax of the final duel the best that Anakin can muster up is..."I HATE YOU!". Thank you George Lucas for giving us such memorable dialog. What a maroon.
After re-watching (for the last time) THE PHANTOM MENACE a couple of weeks ago and this one last week I just can't wrap my brain around how Lucas wrote such lousy dialogue. I can't spend much time on this one. I really need to move on so here's the skinny:
- Truly horrible acting by Christensen, Portman and, sometimes, Jackson - it's the worst acting I've seen from Jackson. I blame that on Lucas. Christensen almost single-handily brings this film down with his amateurish high school performance.
"Waaaaaaaaaa. I want my bottle."
- McGregor does a good job with what he has but REALLY shines in Ep. 3. Lee kicks ass as does McDiarmid (who OWNS Ep.3.)
- Lucas' lame dialogue is all through this thing. Like Ep.1 this one is pretty but laden with childish dialogue and acting. Imagine being on a first date with an intelligent and attractive woman (or man) who you'd really like to get to know better but she has a very irritating laugh and picks her nose without shame. That's this movie.
- Jango & BobaFett kick ass and I'd REALLY like to see some adventures based on these two characters as Boba grows up without having Jango die in this one, of course. Their relationship and chemistry was fun to watch. Too bad it's all over now.
"Badass Sr. & Badass Jr."
- The assembly line sequence and the arena sequence seemed completely unnecessary and more like video game fodder than anything that helped the story along.
- I REALLY liked the few times where the CGI was used to create older "film" techniques like the focused foreground and out of focus background. It probably stand out more because the rest of the film is so CGI clean and pretty in comparison.
- It's not nearly as bad as Ep.1 but then it does have Jar Jar.
- There is NO FUCKING WAY anyone, and I mean ANYONE, would allow that dipshit of an abortion, Jar Jar, to represent them in a governing position much less holding their place in line at a Burger King while going to the bathroom. Inexcusable. This could have been handled in a much more mature way by having Palpatine manipulate someone with intelligence. Hey, Pap's a charming, smart guy. We would easily be able to see how that could happen. You don't have to put arms and legs on a fungus-covered turd and say, "he did it" for us to get it.
"Ooooh, pretttttyyyy"
This is probably my 4th or 5th viewing (I know, I know - I'm in denial) and it seemed better to me this time than it had before but I can't help but think that if the two issues of acting and cheesy dialogue were cleaned up it would actually be a very good film. We'll always have STAR WARS and EMPIRE.
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