Plot: In a post-apocalyptic Earth, a group of punk friends find themselves
against millions of bloodthirsty rats - but the weirdest it yet to come.
My rating: 6/10
Will I watch it again? No.
The Italians of the 1980s sure loved their post-apocalyptic pictures, didn't they? So what makes this different than the others? It takes place in 225 AB (After the Bomb) and it's got rats. Lots of them and they're everywhere!
The movie's OK. Instead of the usual factions of humans fighting each other in a bombed-out city it's small group of humans encountering a metric shit-ton of rats. I guess you might dig it if you masturbate to WILLARD (1971) (and who doesn't?) or if you put your privates underneath the last stage of the Mouse Trap board game. It's really not that bad of a Ratsploitation picture. There's a little bit of nudity and gore, cheesy dialogue, mid-budget Italian schlock, post-apocalyptic nonsense and a whole lotta rats being tossed and poured on the poor actors. The ending is nothing short of HOLY FUCK THAT'S AWESOME! Look at this as a reasonable group watch with the liquor on tap kind of movie.
Plot: Pith-helmeted Buck is a Great White Hunter who here (unlike the real one
from the 1940s) works out of the Raffles Hotel bar in Singapore during
the 1930s fighting all kinds of bad guys in pre-war Malaya.
My rating: 7/10
Will I watch it again? Nah.
When you have a hit movie as big as RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (1981), you're bound to have lots of copycats and inspirations. This show probably wouldn't have happened (along with it's competition, and the better of the two shows, TALES OF THE GOLD MONKEY (1982)) without RAIDERS' popularity. It's not a RAIDERS knock-off but it does share the jungle adventure and serial inspiration. The series died after 17 episodes and you see how they kind of got better as they went along to the point of having a much better show if they had another season. There are some fun moments along the way like Frank (Boxleitner) reaching for his gun to shoot someone realizing it's not in its holster. Then there are the serial cliffhanger moments with a car running off a cliff to explode on impact only to find out after the commercial that Frank and the princess had gotten out before the nose drive, something they conveniently left out until after the commercials. Watching this as a 13 year old when it aired in '82 was a gas. I watched this and TALES OF THE GOLD MONKEY to get my RAIDERS fix. I ate this stuff up. Seeing it 35 years later doesn't much stir up those childhood feelings but it does remind me a little when shows like this were the shit in my eyes. As an adult I can see the clumsiness of some scenes (particularly the fist fights) and how obvious some things were shot on a studio backlot but it's still fun.
The acting is fine for what it is. It's in the style of the serials from the 40s and 50s. You can easily see at first glance who the good guys are and who the bad guys are. Ron "Superfly" O'Neil is fun and he gets more adventurous as the shows progressed. I would've liked to see his character be a quality rival for Frank where they each best each other from time to time. The list of character actors that came in went is impressive like Walter Koenig, Mako, Jack Gwillim, Elisha Cook Jr., Sid Haig, M.C. Gainey, Richard Lynch, George Lazenby, Richard Anderson, Christopher Connelly and Robert Davi. Now I just need to find TALES OF THE GOLD MONKEY.
Director: Nino Battiferri, Luigi Capuano, Arpad DeRiso, Ottavio Poggi
Composer: Carlo Rustichelli
Starring: Gianna Maria Canale, Anthony Steel, Maria Grazia Spina, Andrea Aureli, Carlo Ninchi, John Kitzmiller, Ernesto Calindri, Carlo Pisacane, Nazzareno Zamperla, Pasquale De Filippo, Giulio Battiferri, Renato Giomini, Renato Izzo, Bruno Arie, Piero Pastore
Tagline: A pirate's daughter takes on the entire Spanish fleet in a tale of heroism and treachery.
Plot: Tigre is the skipper of the Santa Maria, a pirate-ship, but he feels
tired and decides to leave the command of the ship. Unfortunately he has
only a daughter, Consuelo. So he will leave the command and the ship to
the winner of a challenge among his men. Unexpectedly Consuelo wins.
The same night Tigre is killed, William is charged with the killing and
is sentenced to death. But before the sentence could be executed the
Spaniards of Grand Duke Inigo arrives. Consuelo escapes, however this is
only the first move of Indigo's wife to get to the pirates treasure.
My rating: 6/10
Will I watch it again? No.
There's one thing you can't deny and that's that this flick looks outstanding. The location shooting is gorgeous. The color, cinematography, costumes and so on pop out of the screen like a classic painting. The story has enough going on to keep things busy enough without getting too bogged down in filler but it does drag a little. Fortunately there are little bits of action sprinkled in that try to alleviate any boredom. The English dub was well done. I'm not sure where I have an issue with this movie. It's hard not to like on a base level because it includes a lot of what you'd expect and want in a high seas adventure pirate movie and it looks amazing. The swordplay runs the gamut from sloppy hack and slash to skilled and impressive. I'd figure it out if I watched it a second time but that's not going to happen. I really admire the Italian film industry from the 60s. They focused a lot on high adventure between these types of pictures, the Sword & Sandal (Peplum) and Spaghetti Westerns. I recommend this one but don't expect a hidden gem. It's good but not great.
Plot: A disfigured composer sells his soul for the woman he loves so that she
will perform his music. However, an evil record tycoon betrays him and
steals his music to open his rock palace, The Paradise.
My rating: 7.5/10
Will I watch it again? Yes.
This is one of those pictures like THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW (1975) that you throw on for a bunch of your friends. Bust out the liquor sauce. It's fun, IMDb trivia says that De Palma had wanting to make this since the 60s so that means it predates ROCKY HORROR. The music is great as are the costumes and overall vibe. It's basically a rock 'n' roll update to The Phantom of the Opera story but it's more fun than it sounds. Paul Williams is just the shit in this picture. It's campy like RH and in all the right ways. And it's got De Palma's director stamp all over it. Don't overlook this one. I wish I hadn't for all these decades.
Plot: Documentary film exploring the rise of Club Kid legend Michael Alig and
his fall in 1996 when he murdered his drug dealer/roommate Angel
Melendez.
My rating: 6.5/10
Will I watch it again? No.
Michael Alig is a rotten asshole by many accounts but he's a rotten asshole that accomplished something from nothing. He lead a large group in 90s NYC club scene called Club Kids that had wild regular parties. Think of them as perversion on parade. They cared for nothing but being in the moment, shocking anyone and everyone and partying hard. Alig seems like a despicable guy and he doesn't come off well in this documentary. Years ago I watched the film of his goings on and murder that starred Macaulay Culkin (as Alig) and Seth Green. Seeing this documentary that the film is based on makes that film even better. Culkin & Green NAILED their roles. I didn't know how much until I saw this documentary. This film covers Alig's childhood and the things that shaped him continuing through his wild ride in the club scene of NYC to the murder, arrest and aftermath. It's not a scene I would've dug but it's interesting to see those who did. Much of their shenanigans is preposterous but that's just me. I'd say watch this before seeing the 2003 film. It'll probably improve it. In case you're curious, Alig spent 16 years in prison for murder and was released in 2014.
Starring: Cliff Robertson, Eric Shea, Pamela Franklin, Rosemary Murphy, Bernadette Peters, Alice Ghostley, Kelly Jean Peters, Don Keefer, Patricia Smith
Tagline: The story of Ace Eli... when planes were young and the world was innocent... except for Ace's son Rodger... Rodger of the Skies.
Plot: Story of a 1920s stunt flyer and the son he takes on the road with him.
My rating: 6/10
Will I watch it again? No.
I'm not sure what sentiment or vibe the filmmakers were aiming for but I don't think they successfully made it...or maybe they did and I missed it. Cliff Robertson, who I usually dig, plays Eli like a real bastard but in the demeanor of Steve McQueen in 'gosh golly' mode. You know the McQueen persona where he sometimes has that dumbfounded goofy look on his face, right? That's Robertson in this picture. He's only likable when he plays nice. Otherwise he's an asshole and a drunk. And that doesn't change by the end. I'm not sure anything changes much if at all by the end which had me wondering what was the point. The picture looks nice. It's neat thinking about life in the 20s with everything on screen looking vintage. It's a time and place I'd like to visit. That's one thing they did well here. I figured with the subject, a score by Jerry Goldsmith (which was nice), Cliff Robertson and a story by Steven Spielberg this would be much better. Someone else is credited with writing the screenplay so who knows how much Spielberg contributed. It could've been a two page outline of a story. Or it's possible that the movie filmed is exactly what the filmmakers intended. Either way, it's not all that good and I wouldn't recommend it as a decent 90 minute diversion.
Plot: Mum and Dad, and their 'adopted' children, Birdie & Elbie, work at
the airport. The family live off whatever they scavenge from cargo
holds, offices and hotels - including a steady stream of transient
workers who populate the airport's soulless hub. When Lena, a young
Polish office cleaner, is befriended by Birdie, she gets drawn into a
nightmarish world of torture, murder and perversity. Imprisoned in a
suburban House of Horrors and designated a 'Mummy's Girl', Lena's only
options appear to be to become part of the family - and join them in
their insanity - or die.
My rating: 6.5/10
Will I watch it again? Maybe.
I'm pretty confident that most horror movie fans would know how to react in a situation like this. Lena (Fedori) is always trying to escape which just makes matters worse for her. It doesn't seem like she's in danger except when she rejects the 'family' that's trying to 'adopt' her. Lena doesn't let up. It's frustrating after a while because I couldn't help but think that if you just went along with their plan to accept you into their family then you'd have time to scope out the joint and plot an escape that's much better than what she chooses. It's only when she's gone too far that her life is in danger. It's easy for me to say that because I'm just a viewer. This theory might all go to shit if I found myself thrust into a similar situation. I don't know and I don't want to know. Instead I'll just speculate. I like that this picture got me thinking about that whereas most don't. Anyway, there's lots of gore. The parents, especially Dad, are menacing and disgusting. They live in a shithole which is bad enough and the filth goes downhill from there. I LOVED the ending. That's all I need to say about that without spoiling anything. This is the first and only second feature from writer/director Sheil. His other picture is DEAD MINE (2012). It's an action horror flick about some treasure hunters searching for gold in Indonesia and they come across a WWII Japanese bunker and bad things happen to them. It looks like it could be fun. Is it?
Starring: Sophia Loren, Jean-Paul Belmondo, Eleonora Brown, Carlo Ninchi, Andrea Checchi, Pupella Maggio, Emma Baron, Bruna Cealti, Antonella Della Porta
Tagline: Suddenly...Love Becomes Lust...Innocence becomes shame...As two women are trapped by violent passion and unforgettable terror!
Plot: In the Italy of WWII, a widow and her lonely daughter seek for distance between them and the horrors of war.
My rating: 7.5/10
Will I watch it again? Maybe.
This is a story that shows how the ravages of war don't discriminate and they leave scars sometimes worse than bombs and bullets. Loren holds the honor of being the first actor to win an Academy Award for a foreign language film. I haven't seen two of the other four nominated films in that category but I'm willing to bet that she deserved that award over the others. She's fantastic. Everyone does a fine job but Loren's got the meat of it. And boy does Cesira (Loren) have a rough time with men. She's often confronted with bad dudes and it culminates in horror about two thirds in. It's just frightening what happens and visually it's handled very well. The harshness of the act is strong and very brief and it's so effective. It's a dour picture for sure but it's not without a lot of pleasant moments. Loren is such a powerful force that it's hard not to take your eyes off of her. She commands it but it's not at the cost of the strong supporting cast. If you like your wartime dramas on the downer side then this is for you.
Starring: Sid Haig, William Bassett, Karen Black, Erin Daniels, Joe Dobbs III, Judith Drake, Dennis Fimple, Gregg Gibbs, Walton Goggins, Chris Hardwick, Sheri Moon Zombie, Bill Moseley, Michael J. Pollard, Tom Towles, Rainn Wilson
Tagline: The most shocking tale of carnage ever seen.
Plot: Two young couples traveling across the backwoods of Texas searching for
urban legends of murder end up as prisoners of a bizarre and sadistic
backwater family of serial killers.
My rating: 6.5/10
Will I watch it again? Yes.
9 years ago I watched THE DEVIL'S REJECTS (2005) and loved it. HOUSE is Rob Zombie's first feature as writer/director and in some ways it shows. I don't mean that in a bad way, either, because he's got a lot of great ideas and he's got a flair for visuals and gore. That man loves the blood. It shows because he's trying a lot of different techniques and he's tossing in a lot of stuff; some of it works and some of it is just superfluous. He does a lot with the great cast he assembled. It just tickles me to pieces to see Michael J. Pollard in something modern and to hear him tell the story about a guy with a PLANET OF THE APES doll stuck up his butt. Zombie's wife, Sheri Moon, makes her feature debut as an actor. She got better as she went along. She was wonderful in THE LORDS OF SALEM (2012). I've now seen every one of Rob Zombie's features and I really dig what this cat brings to the genre. Like him or not (and it's staggering how much automatic hate there is for this guy), his love of the genre shows in every film and he's bringing a different perspective and making horror movies fun. I get the feeling I might like this one more on repeat viewings and the next time I watch it I'll have to make it a double bill with the sequel and see how that plays out.
Writers: Stefan Zweig, Harold Medford, Gerd Oswald, Herbert Reinecker
Composer: Hans-Martin Majewski
Starring: Curd Jurgens, Claire Bloom, Hansjorg Felmy, Mario Adorf, Albert Bessler, Rudolf Forster, Alan Gifford, Jan Hendriks, Albert Lieven, Harald Maresch, Dietmar Schonherr, Karel Stepanek, Wolfgang Wahl, Hans Sohnker
Tagline: Journey into today's strangest zone of fear!
Plot: In 1938 Austria shortly after the Nazi occupation, a prominent Viennese
intellectual, Werner von Basil, is arrested for smuggling art treatures
out of the country and imprisoned by the Gestapo in a hotel room without
any mental sustenance of any kind to break him down to make him talk
while a young ballerina, named Irene Adreny whom is the lover of the SS
officer Berger playing mind games on von Basil, tries to intervene and
help the poor intellectual keep his mind intact.
My rating: 7.5/10
Will I watch it again? Yes.
Man, I've been on a role lately with picking really good pictures. Curd Jurgens is an acting master in this flick. He owns it. The film opens casually enough with world chess champion Mirko Centowic (Adorf) boarding a cruise ship and settling in. Then a very distraught Werner von Basil (Jurgens) comes aboard. Centowic is a prima donna who only accepts a game of chess with a small group of admirers only because they agree to pay his exorbatant fee. When the game is nearing the end, von Basil suggests to Centowic's opponent a different strategy which ends the match in a draw. Centowic is most impressed, asks the soft-spoken von Basil his name. von Basil picks up a pawn piece and gently holds moves it around in his fingers as he stares at it in small wonder. Centowic asks why he hadn't heard of him before and how long has he been playing. von Basil replies apologetically, "Nowhere. I've never played before." BAM! How about that opener?
From here we flash back a few months (we're not certain and it's not made clear but by the time you get to the end you suspect it could've been a year or more) to the day the Nazis invaded Austria. Seeing Jurgens all tuxed up and elegant is quite a change from where we just saw him. I've seen him in a lot of films and this is my new favorite performance of his. PLEASE let me know of any Jurgens movies I should see based on his performance. I like him before this but now I love this guy's work. Once he is detained by the Gestapo the film goes into darker and more isolated territory as this is what is happening to von Basil. A lot of time is spent in a small room. The passage of time is nicely done as the filmmaker's aren't holding your hand. It's implied in very subtle ways. The ending is good although it's not as strong as I was hoping for considering what came before it but I loved Mario Adorf's performance in the final minutes when FINALLY his character drops the pretense and shows that he's more than the silly facade he'd created. That was a great moment. I'm definitely going to see this one again.
Writers: Lorne Cameron, David Hoselton, William Nicholson
Composer: Jerry Goldsmith
Starring: Sean Connery, Richard Gere, Julia Ormond, Ben Cross, Liam Cunningham, Christopher Villiers, Valentine Pelka, Colin McCormack, Ralph Ineson, John Gielgud
Tagline: Their greatest battle would be for her love.
Plot: Lancelot falls in love with Guinevere, who is due to be married to King
Arthur. Meanwhile, a violent warlord tries to seize power from Arthur
and his Knights of the Round Table.
My rating: 7/10
Will I watch it again? Yes.
I put off watching this for more than twenty years because, despite my love for Sean Connery, I didn't like the casting of Gere as Lancelot. That just rubbed me the wrong way. I'd listened to Goldsmith's fine score a few times but I just couldn't do until now. I can't believe I'm saying this but Gere does a fine job. After a few minutes I adjusted to him, settled into the film and let it take me for a ride and one I enjoyed. I don't think you could ask for a better King Arthur than Connery. That man's the shit and he brings a lot of weight to the role. I was afraid the romance angle would get too mushy but it didn't. It felt just right but then it's also sprinkled in with enough adventure, action and intrigue that the balance feels right. It's a good costume drama adventure that takes the viewer on a fun little adventure in a time that's long been romanticized. I'm pleasantly surprised.
Starring: Tatjana Gorecka, Antonina Gordon-Gorecka, Barbara Drapinska, Aleksandra Slaska, Barbara Rachwalska, Wladyslaw Brochwicz, Edward Dziewonski, Kazimierz Pawlowski, Alina Janowska
Plot: Female prisoners of various ethnic background struggle to survive the hardships of Auschwitz Concentration Camp.
My rating: 7.5/10
Will I watch it again? Yes.
This is a remarkable film for the least of which because it was made by survivors of Auschwitz, both behind and in front of the camera and within three years of being liberated. Knowing that brought me closer to the characters and the story in a way that a modern film cannot. After the film I thought about how it must've felt to come back to a place where you essentially escaped death on a daily basis at one of the most horrifying places on Earth. How did they feel? If you were in that situation would you become complacent after a while or would you continually feel threatened? How long would it take before you left that basic fear of death behind, knowing that is was still there but also wanting and needing to continue living and look for some sort of happiness or good around you? These are some of the things I thought about in the days after seeing this picture. It's a good film in its own right. You can see that Jakubowska had a lot to say and she does a fine job at giving us a sense of the day to day life in the camp as well as the danger and all in just under two hours. Even though I wanted to see more and spend more time through her lens, I'm happy this film exists. The authenticity of being where it all happened speaks volumes. I think this picture will probably improve with each viewing.
Starring: Charlee Danielson, Anthony Sneed, Mark Wilson, John A. Thorburn, Remedy, Tom Kohut, James Shell, Vivian Sanchez, Jessie Jayne Clancy, R.A. The Rugged Man, Bjorn Milz
Plot: Driven by biological excess, a man and a woman search for sexual
fulfillment, unaware of each other's existence. Unfortunately, they
eventually meet, and the bonding of these two very unusual human beings
ends in a god awful love story.
My rating: 6/10
Will I watch it again? No.
I think this would've been much better had it been made in the 80s and shot on film. It's got a direct to video look and feel to it that detracts. The actors do a fine job and it's a reasonably entertaining movie but the outrageousness of it all is diminished by the tamer scenes. You get some great nudity and wild imagery...
So that's what it looks like from the inside out. Hmmmm. It's the wackiness that helps maintain any interest but there's either not enough of it or the film relies too much on what's there. There's no escaping the low budget territory this roams in but I can't help but feel that it should've been better considering the body of work of Frank Henenlotter. FRANKENHOOKER (1990) is a classic in my book.
Plot: In a deserted mining town at the end of nowhere three desperate men fight over a suitcase full of cash.
My rating: 8/10
Will I watch it again? Yes.
I watched this without knowing anything about it except that it was a Spaghetti Western. This German picture grabbed me by the short and curlies from the first few minutes and didn't let go. I was hooked. I was surprised, and a little disappointed, that this wasn't set in the Old West but it easily could've been. I loved the sparse locale and the minimal cast. It's one of those pictures that does such a good job that it held my attention for ransom and it wouldn't give in until it was over. I didn't question anything. I just gave myself to the film and went for a ride. The English dub is pretty good and it didn't interfere with anything. It's not a dialogue heavy movie as half the characters say very little. Now that I've given it some time, any questions I have about some of them can easily be answered. The thing is, writer/director Klick doesn't hold your hand. It's not a tough film to follow by any means but not everything is explained, either. Like the landscape (great cinematography, by the way), the characters are violent and don't mess about. People die. The body count is dead and for some of them it's probably for the best. It's a got a good story, performances, set design, the works. I certainly wasn't disappointed that it wasn't set in the Old West when it was over but it definitely played like one. Substitute horses for cars and get some period guns and that's all you'd need to do make that happen. I highly recommend this one. Now excuse me while I go play some Red Dead Redemption. I've got an Old West fever and the only cure is killin' some folks that needs killin'.
Writers: Hans R. Walthard, Paul Grau, Melvin Quifiones, Jaime Sesus Balcazar
Composer: E-Flat
Starring: Jose Gras, Laura Premica, Andrea Albani, Peter John Saunders, Brian Billings, Hank Sutter, Garry Membrini, Ana Roca, Diana Miller, Irene Semmling, Mary-Ann Vaughn, Guillermo Balcazar, Eric Falk, Helmi Sigg, Paul Grau, Antonio Molino Rojo, Hans R. Walthard
Tagline: Furious Hell's killers carve out a bloody revenge in a vicious vendetta.
Plot: A man seeks revenge after a biker gang murders his family.
My rating: 8/10
Will I watch it again? YES!!!
EASY SPOILERS!!!! YARRRRRR!!!!
This movie is off the fucking chain! I first watched it alone and loved the shit out of it so much that I called a group movie night a couple of days later and we all had a friggin' blast! This Spanish action revenge picture (and fortunately dubbed in English) is bizarre and violent as fuck. It starts with Hal on the make with a young hottie on her 18th birthday. On his way to his bar to get her liquored up so's he can bang her, at a stop light he's met with some nasty bikers.
They get into a chase, one of the bikers is killed by his own stupidity. They split after giving him shit and Hal hits the bar scene. Now the dialogue is ridiculous as is the dubbing. It's so bad it's good territory. It's the kind of thing where people say things that have nothing to do with the other as if to kill time like, "Springtime in France is lovely. I like pants. Are you trying not to be seen?". At first it's just bad but it grows on you and suddenly you're in what the fuck territory and you're laughing your ass off.
This is a regular dance club like disco and shit and then suddenly some swing tune comes on and it's literally one and a half minutes of this!
The fuck is that shit? If I had to edit anything out of this, this one scene would probably be it. Now that Hal has his gal proper lubricated enough to leave they come across the bikers outside the club.
The girl is raped and they're both beaten pretty bad. She's in the hospital. He's bandaged up and makes a call to these guys...
Check out sexy in the window! Hal gets his buddies to help kick some biker asses!
The next day Hal is home banging another chick and the bikers find out where the karate dudes hang out. Then it's one of the most violent massacres you've ever seen.
It's bloody as hell and proves to be a real shocker. Now this is where the spoilers end. We're 24 minutes in with 52 more to go. There are some scenes that drag the picture down just a little but that didn't bother me a bit because after these little breathers the film goes batshit violent. It's campy, unintentionally funny, unpredictably violent and bloody. There's also a good deal of nudity and that goes for the dudes, too.
And the ending will blow your mind. I really want to talk about every single scene and back it up with pictures but that would take time away from watching another movie and it wouldn't be fair to spoil any more because you really need to see this for yourself. It's a fantastic trashy movie that would best be served on the biggest screen you can muster up and have your friends over and the liquor flowing. It's a real hoot. Finding gems like this makes suffering through days and days of shit worth it.
Original title: Rats - Notte di Terrore 
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