My Penis and I (2005)

Director: Lawrence Barraclough

Starring: Lawrence Barraclough, Cynthia Plaster Caster

More info: IMDb

Tagline: In a world where bigger is better, is size in the head or below the waist?

Plot: Lawrence Barraclough's quest to find out whether his small penis matters.

My rating:  6/10

Will I watch it again?  No.

How about a drinking game?  Take a drink everytime Lawrence or anyone else says "penis" BEFORE he shows you his dick and you'll be hammered.  I swear he says that over a hundred times inside of the short 30 minutes this BBC4 documentary runs.  I think one time someone says "cock" and that's it.  I'm bringing this up because the word penis is so clinical and I live in a casual, vulgar world.  Dick's a good word and depending on the verbal situation cock and any number of synonyms would work very well like johnson, meat cigar, meat, pecker, dong, donger, weiner, sausage, wang and naughty bits...just for example.  OK, I'll get down off of that soapbox and on with the show.  What Barraclough attempts is admirable but for two things.  One, he's overreaching with such a short film (no pun intended) and, two, there's no beginning, middle and end.  He doesn't have much of an arc in his attempt to get to the bottom of why he's so obsessed with his small dick (and oh yeah, you get to see it) and how he can overcome it.  He goes to the doctor to see about enlargement, then there's a group therapy session in NYC for guys with small dicks to talk it out and break past the psychological barrier and then it's off to Chicago to see Cynthia Plaster Caster and having his pecker preserved for eternity.  There are some interesting (as well as entertaining) ideas presented but Barraclough leaves out way too much and this documentary is more of a greatest hits of a much larger film.  I say that because he comes across as almost healed from his lifetime of wounds (self-inflicted or otherwise) of having a smaller than average donger and nothing in this film suggests that he had any kind of a revelation to warrant it.  There is a follow-up to this called MY PENIS AND EVERYONE ELSE'S (2007).  Perhaps this was initially a larger film split into two parts.  Huh.  For a short film about a short subject, this review is rather long.  Is this a subliminal sign that I'm trying to compensate for something?  Look for the my latest super hero comic at a newsstand near you...Adequate Yet Satisfying Man...Up, Up and Away!!!